And in other news Sauron himself is staying at a widely acclaimed resort and spa in sunny Southern Gondor. When asked to comment on the quality of the wet bar he was quoted saying " This place has the best Martini west of Mordor." He also commented on the hospitality of Dol Amroth and recommends the Wyate Hotel on Fourth Street.
Celdrahil latter commented that the soldiers here are really looking fat and bored collecting there paychecks and would like to envite any opposing army to the capital for a grand display of Jousting, Archery, and Sword fighting competitions. Please RSVP tough. Lodging will be tough to find in the near future due to the lack of satisfactory housing and over crowding. The prizes will include a wonderfully wrought storm bow and a helm that apparently helps when it comes to dealing with ex wives. Both of wich were generously donated by the embasy of the Long Rider and greatly appriciated. Tickets are on sale now, but selling at a dramatic rate so secure yours today.
Deputy Marahil,
It has come to the attention of this department, that certain items, which were formerly being held as hard evidence in a case concerning our esteemed leader, Uvatha, are now being used as some sort of "prizes" in a bizarre and tasteless "raffle". We are concerned that the integrity of the case has been compromised, and that the items in question have been stolen from your Department of Justice. On behalf of Mordor, the peoples of Gondor, and Uvatha in particular, we ask that immediate measures be implemented to recover these items. Else, we will have to motion that the cases in question be dismissed on the grounds of evidence tampering. Further, and as you might expect, we would ask for the return of said items if they are no longer considered evidence. Uvatha was reached at the burial services for his lost companion, and assured us that such family heirlooms were not "donated" as the prize details suggested.
We are certain that in the interests of "world peace" you and your department will do the utmost to rectify this gross oversight and error. Thank you for your immediate attention to this matter.
Minister of Diplomacy for Uvatha
For missionaries they are very minacious!. Who has ever heard of “peacfull” Trolls? They by their very nature are misantropic, misogynist and mizerly. Hopefully after being taught not to waylay travellers out sight seeing they will be looking for some mithridatism at home rather than trying to ransack Arthedain lands.
Regards Herman, Viceroy to Argeleb II
(Stand back, I have a Thesaurus and I’m not afraid to use it!) 
Dear Uvatha,
Recent events have come to the immediate attention of our Warlord Celdrahil and all cases are being investigated as of now. Please send an emmissary to Dol Amroth so the discussion of said artifacts can take place in a truely diplomatic manner.
Oh and does anyone know where Ji Indur is? I know someone that has a special message for him.
Lord Uvatha
It has come to the attention of the Diplomatic Corps of the Northmen that some people of the nation of Southern Gondor are accused of an inpropriety. Please allow the censure of the Northmen to be an example of our world-wide initiative for peace.
PREPARE FOR PUNISHMENT, SOUTHERN GONDOR!
Bad Southern Gondor! smacking wrist Bad, bad, bad! Don’t you know that if you are going to keep something “dropped,” it is best to NOT tell the owner?!?! smacking wrist again
Hello all,
Looks like things are going well for the Long Rider again. I completely understand why you wanted to get rid of your cav army in the north. The Massive army I have at Minus Ithil is costing me and arm and a leg. Celdrahil has been eating nothing but mac and cheese and hotdogs…he can’t afford his regular lobster and steak right now.
Well there was a boast earlier that we would get no where near Mordor, I can’t remember who said that. Either way I am eager to be defeated on my way through the pass as was fortold.
Now the Dark Luitenates and the Eothraim, that is going to be one heck of a battle. Unless of course you had your assasins tracking his army. We shall see ehhhh.
Well Long Rider, your agent artifact will be in Mordor soon. All you have to do now is find it. It has been released from my vaults and is of no more use in our investigations. Anyway I will be seeing you all soon, keep the beer cold.
Angmar news reports the first of many expected victories over the forces of the tyrannical military regimes ruling Arthedain and Cardolan. Elite cavalry forces from both nations were crushed in two separate encounters with valiant Angmar troops. Stay tuned for more reports as Angmar continues to resist foreign aggression.
In other news, Cardolan, probably assisted by skulking non-human forces (you know…elves and such), has launched an unprovoked attack on the peaceful realm of Rhudaur. Angmar will shortly be responding by sending … medicine and … advisors … to assist the courageous Rhudaur defenders.
Finally, one of Murazor’s official spokesthings announced that the Witch King has been re-elected to the post of eternal ruler of Angmar in another free and democratic election. The Witch King reportedly received 100% of the vote in yet another landslide.
P.S. To all of the U.K. players and anyone else with friends or relatives there, please accept my very best wishes that you are all untouched by the recent attacks in London.
** agreed - I hope those of you in the UK and/or with friends/family there are all okay. I am sorry if you have suffered loss. **
Celdrahil,
Uvatha wishes to send his thanks for your prompt attention to this matter concerning his belongings. I caught up with him on his way to torture and kill one of his underling commanders for being so dim-witted, and though he seemed busy, he did wish to send his best to you and yours. He’s considering a summer retreat in Pelargir next year, and hopes the hospitality will be better than his past visit.
Yours Truly,
Minister of Diplomacy for Uvatha
Hail Uvatha,
You are more than welcome to come and visit. I recomend waiting till it cools down a bit, the weather is a real scorcher right now. Monsoon season is great here and you can get killer rates on lodging. Sauron really seems to be enjoying himself here and has decided to stay a little while longer. We are trying our best here to accomidate him.
In other news there are some very interesting developments in the North West. Rhudar I hate to break it to you man, but we all agreed that as a team we can’t have aggression such as you have shown. Friends are great and good intentions are always easy to come by, but at least with enemies you always know where you stand. To the Corsairs, Haradwaith, Easterlings, and Dunlandings; we are not trying to force any issues and we are not trying to be overly aggressive. Peace is my ultimate goal. Lets work twords that global dream.
Until next time, The Proud Nation of Southern Gondor
*** Please allow me to extend my hopes that none had any involved in the London bombing. To those that did, you have my most sincere of condolences. ***
Even though he promised to be incommunicado, I would like to congratulate the Long Rider on a masterful stroke. Imagine my relief (and that of Commander Eoder) when I realized that the cav. army was merely a grand ruse for ritual suicide. Why he would go to such lengths just to be slain by an Elf is beyond me. Surely even the Dark Servants know of the Elven respect for life.
On a similar note, does anyone happen to have the address of a good dog catcher? I seem to have picked up a stray. I would hate to have to kill it (everyone knows that dogs just don’t know any better) but it doesn’t look like I will have much choice. Ah well, such is the life on the frontier, right?
Nathan Maldonado
Chief Representative to the Northmen Head of State.
Wow… some very effective properganda there…
He made a movement mistake and you guys pounced on him for it.
This army we discovered was basically a camping army and you would have overunned it with no problem.
Also SG - you got to the pass waaay too late… theres a big fat army
waiting for u 
***He made a movement mistake and you guys pounced on him for it.
This army we discovered was basically a camping army and you would have overunned it with no problem.***
Tell me something? Do you honestly believe that an experienced player would OVER-step his targeted endpoint? Or that he wouldn’t know that defeating the army was not the intention but stopping it was? Come on, people! Let’s separate fact from fiction here! You ask us, and we tell you, yes, we are going to crush him and his little partner the sorceress princess. Would that we could have had such honesty from Rhu. If he isn’t an experienced player, then what was he thinking choosing a neutral?
Sorry, Mum, but it just doesn’t wash.
The Northmen
“… yes, we are going to crush him and his little partner the sorceress princess.”
Sorceress princess? I suppose the Quiet Avenger IS about to become a partner of Rhudaur’s … along with the rest of the DS, of course. But why single her out in your response?
Ah…Ganelon shaking head
I suppose that we will have to forgive your being a bit dense. Witch King = Sorceress Princess. But don’t worry. I didn’t forget the Q/A. She’ll get hers in the end too. No need to feel left out.
I still don’t get it. Murazor is clearly male. Surely you can’t mean “sorceress princess” as an insult. That would be misogynistic, unimaginative and purile. So it can only be that you are unaware that the Witch King is, indeed, male.
The WK was clearly a male character at one time but now that he is undead and being unable to opperate in a sexual capacity(no blood so the Hydraulic system does not work)he is in a grey area neither male or female effictivly emasculated I hope this clears up any misunderstanding my VERY distant(and dim) cousin may have had about the WK’s current state of being.And you people need to put the Thesauruses down and back away slowly.It has been brought to my attention that I did not update the Demerit system last turn I will do so now the current standings are DS 6/FP 3.
Otis
Corsairs #92
Dwarves #76
Noldo #76
Yes, Yes, Yes Murazor I know. There is a Huge army awaiting my presence at the pass. Along with Ji Indur and some other nasty surprises like the Cloud Lord, Kung Fu Ninjas, and Flying Howler Monkeys that toss dung on commanders as they try and issue orders in the heat of battle. We all die some time, so lets get it on. I will out Soldier you anyday.
“It has been brought to my attention that I did not update the Demerit system last turn I will do so now the current standings are DS 6/FP 3.”
Whoo Hoo! We’re winning…
Oh Gladian pray tell what are you playing?
Vandal
Well, unfortunately, we were unable to find a dog catcher in time, so we were forced to euthanize that poor stray. I don’t blame it for seeking shelter from the big-bad world, but it was not within our ability to take proper care of it. So sad.
Nathan Maldonado
Chief Northmen advisor to the King