“My only hope is that you guys get serious and lose the humor and get determined.”
Never! Don’t you know humor and evil do well together? Just look at our names (We did, as we sat around the table sipping coffee with marshmellows up at the angmar ski resort and casino a few years back).
Nazgul #1: I…Want to be the Witch King!
Nazgul #10: What??? That’s a girly name! Look at the Pansy, let go burn her! Watch out for the Witchy-Poo!
Nazgul #1: I WANT TO BE THE WITCH KING
Sauron: I kind of like it.
Everyone: Oh yes… well then… Witch King it is.
Nazgul #2: Whatz doozz ya think me name be then?
Nazgul #3: Flamer!
Nazgul #8: The Gay Guy.
Nazgul #4: I think that name is already taken actually.
Nazgul #8: Oh ok, how about smelly.
Nazgul #4: I think that is a dwarf’s name too.
Nazgul #8: Dopey?
Nazgul #2: I think that is Nazgul #9’s name. I’llz just go with the longgggg rider.
Nazgul #9: Hey now! I am not going to be dopey, I’ll be the long rider and YOU be dopey!
Nazgul #6: But what if I want to be Dopey?
Nazgul #2 sips his latte, pinky finger raised but obviously quivering about. I like Long Rider or Lizard Slong Lord.
(Sauron, now obviously getting irritated at the minor quibbing, the lidless eye starts to wish it had a lid or tear ducts).
Sauron: SHUT UP! Ok, #2 The Lizard Thing is just retarted. I’m giving your house to the servants (sauron winks… well if he could… to the guy pooring his expresso) and your summer home to #7. But to make up for it, I’ll give you a nice name that should make everyone happy. You will be the dragon lord. There, now your a flamer, a lizard, and … long.
Nazgul #10: Um, like that was a totally lame joke.
Sauron turns to him and stares (again wishing he had lids so he could better make the point).
Nazgul #3: Rough!
Nazgul #4: What?
Nazgul #3: Rough!
Nazgul #4: Huh?
Nazgul #3: ROUGH!
Sauron: Yes, ruff… hmm. I like it, you can be the dog lord then, lets move on.
Nazgul #3: Wait, I was saying I had it rough! could I please be The Great Warg Master P?
The table turns to him, all stopping their sipping of high quality drink.
Nazgul #4: I want to be the cloud lord.
Sauron (obviously shivering): Yes… What ever you’d like Ji… Servants, get him some more… whatever he wants.
Nazgul #8 to #4: Want some of mine?
Nazgul #6: Stop sucking up to him!.. Mr. Cloud Lord would you like some cake?
The servant: I’ll give you some artifacts… No reason, just will.
Cloud Lord: I will take them all… Thank you very much.
Everyone, including sauron: Of course master, whatever you wish, oh great one.
Nazgul #5: My turn right?
Nazgul #10: Your king of the obvious!
Nazgul #5: I like The great and powerful Oz. I see all! (he turns and quickly looks down #7 blouse. She spots the action however, then turns to Ji and whispers “no more candy shop unless you fix this constant invasion of privacy”). With a nod from Ji, out of the shadows twin dagger fly and strike #5 in the eyes, blinding him!
Nazgul #5: I’m blind, I’m Blind!!!
Sauron: Ok your blind then… Good name… Lets move on.
Nazgul #6: Um… Could we talk about my location?
Sauron: Sure, what’s up, you don’t like sitting next to the…dragon lord?
Nazgul #6: No, no, I’m talking about my castle! I’m the friggen nose. I want someplace secure, between two or more other people so I can be safe. Dol Guldor is just too exposed.
Dragon Lord: Oh… I like exposure.
#6: ick. Get away (pushing the Dragon lords hand off his knee).
Dragon Lord: Youz are way…WAy to cold. Icy Cold.
Sauron: I like it. #6 your the Ice Master P. And you can switch homes with the dragon lords new one. Dragon lord where did you place it?
Dragon lord: Next to the dog and smoky.
Dog Lord: Hey, I wanted to be Master P.
Sauron: fine, fine, #6. you’ll be just the Ice King then.
Nazgul #7 (whispering, so next to no one can hear her). I would like to be call the rough rider princess.
Sauron: What did she say?
Nazgul #10: She said she want to be called Slut. Cause she away is putting out.
#7 turns, obviously pissed and glances at the cloud lord. Seconds later #10 is no more. Not even he knows what happen to him.
Sauron: Wow she’s got a temper.
Witch king: Revengeful even.
Sauron: Ok, she can be the quiet revenger.
Witch King: I think that would be Avenger sir.
Sauron: Yes avenger. that’s it. Re and A and the numbers 3 and 5…
Witch King: Sir, I think only a few will get that reference.
Sauron turns to him looking to change the subject… Nice ski resort you have here…
Nazgul #8: Cloud lord, might I offer to you to name me oh glorious master and savior?
Cloud Lord: I say you will be the Fire King, since you alway feel the heat of gondor.
Fire King: Thank you glorious one, you are both wise and powerful.
Cloud Lord: Yes, that’s fine, now go take a shower.
Nazgul #9: Can I PLEASE be the Long Rider.
The Dragon Lord: Oh yes, long rider.
Sauron: Fine, do what you’d like, your not part of the main team anyway, always running off on your own…
Sauron turns to his servant. I want you to have everything, my home, the money, the toys, I want you to have it all, these fouls would throw it away on cheap beer and whores…Well except the Dragon lord… and send a note to the elves, that we’re not going to pay the taxes and they can come in and take Dol Guldor back anytime…
DL’s: “But sir, that will leave the dragon lord to be stationed in the rear.”
Sauron: “Well yes, right where he likes it. But let him get hammered first, then it can be his turn to be in the rear”.