Good Day Subjects of Sauron,
My what a lot of Freep companies there are!
I have been working late into the night studying the war charts, at a
secret location in my master Ji Indur`s realm, to bring you all the
latest news from around Middle-Earth. It seems that, for their own
safety, the Freep wretches have been huddling together in groups to
try and make an effective campaign against the People`s Republic of
Sauron. This tactic has been little more than a tiresome nuisance and
is obviously a last resort to make an impact where their pathetic
armies have been so inneffective! Let me count...hmmm, around Mordor
i see seven such companies. they really are playing with fire coming
so near to our homeland. are you sure that is wise little piggies?
Oh, well, only time will tell i guess. Perhaps in the next fortnight
they may get their fingers burnt. That nice Mr Elrond for instance.
What would happen if his company commander met an untimely accident
and he and his fellow reprobates were stuck in the one place too
long? Hardly bears thinking about does it? I guess, though, the
Freeps know it is their only chance...
I hear from the South that the Quiet Avenger, Adunaphel is
about to board ship and head for Minas Tirith this week, with
thousands of troops in tow. Having already made a foothold in South
Gondor, it seems that the Lady plans on expanding her empire for the
glory of Sauron! Well, praise-be! We await her support in liberated
North Gondor.
Sadly, the dragon CULGOR has left the army of Araudagul, but
nonetheless, he hopes to have enough troops at Minas Tirith to finish
off the sad bunch of uruk`s that have been left there to defend it.
Minas Tirith is expected to fall this turn. The poor fool Suldun must
have drawn the short straw to draw that duty. Oh well, perhaps he was
expecting a heroes burial at Angrenost? Pity there will be nothing
left to bury after he is fed to my master`s mount! Sharkey Gnobswand
added another head to his collection last week, slaying the horse-
lover RAGNIR as he went to relieve himself the night before expected
battle. You should not drink before a big match! the Rohan army
finding itself leaderless promptly disbanded and headed for the hills
in the face of the onslaught. SULDUN could have done with their
help...is Saruman punishing him or what? Who is the URTHEL we keep
hearing about? perhaps he had better watch his pockets...there are
thieves everywhere. remember what happened to TIRANDIR? Is seems that
those crafty Northmen are spending all their gold before we can steal
it these days. that is just so unfair, after we travelled so far!
Let`s hope the capital provides more resources, huh? Still, my Lord
JI INDUR is happy to have notched his 17th victim and hopes to notch
another two at least next turn!
It is with a sad heart that we report the demise of a loyal
servant of Sauron; ABDAKHIL, who for his loyalty to his master and
the cause of Freedom was executed by his cruel free abductees this
week. Still at least that will free-up some Ice King gold! On a
brighter note; ULZOG managed to escape and looks set to earn himself
a new post in the Ice King`s army. But, here, again in his realm are
many unwelcome visitors seeking to rob us and deceive our common
folk. what a risk they are taking in the face of our mighty agents
and mages...We have to laugh at that mutant Beorn, failing to steal
last turn--what a gimp! Hoarmuruth ,fresh from his challenge victory
has vacated Minas Tirith and taken his roadshow, er, on the road. Do
you see him Freep-boys?
Speaking of MT [as we like to call it in the liberation
army]; GOTHMOG and CO. have finally arrived to take possession of
that sorry ex-capital. it`s not been ruined, but by the arts of Ji
Indur and friends it`s walls are somewhat dilapidated. It all helps i
guess. After Suldun`s sorry band are taken care of a victory
procession is expected to take place and SAURON will rule on both
sides of the Anduin.
SANGARUNYA reports that all is well in his realm and that a
new invasion fleet will be headed for the Grey Havens in around 3
turns. this fleet is rumoured to be the largest ever assembled in
Middle-Earth and may even be aided by that of Adunaphel. Who could
stand in their way?
Like father, like son; could you please tell Elrohir to keep
his dirty hands to himself!?
DIN OHTAR is proud to announce to the world that he ended the
life of that sad-sack BRAND at Dol Guldor. What a waste of Elven
resources! He is also glad for the supply of gold he managed to cart
away...
After a shaky time for a while the realm of ANGULION appears
to be very much back on track, the leadership change having done
nothing but good. Thanx Freepsters! the South is secure and the North
is ready to do some damage!
In tit-for-tat action there were two personal challenges
instigated by the Khand Easterlings this week; OVATHA challenged and
killed the Rhun commander ARASSUIL [don`t mispronounce that] and
ITANA OVAN was cruelly beaten by the bearded She-Dwarf DIS [no wonder
she wears that scarf all the time]. DIS has deadly wounds and only
just survived the resultant battle at 4318 which became their camp.
Unfortunately for the stumpies her force was intercepted at 4421.
The Fire King too in now back to strength, under the rule of
SHAGRAT [the highest ranked ORC in SAURON`s empire], their armies
plan to support the cause to the best of their ability. They started
last turn by destroying the infidel Dunlending camp at 2922. More
action of retribution is planned!
Well my friends, i have a busy week in prospect, places to go, elves
to kill ,etc.
I hope you all get what you deserve in the coming days, i wish you
prosperity...as a famous bard once said "i`m as honest as the day is
long; the longer the daylight the less i can rob..."
Erennis, Minister of Information.