Feel a bit frivilous after all that heated "Service" debate, this is
game specific, so ignore at your leisure...
FREEPS IN GOOD TURN SHOCK!
Greetings plebs, I have returned, alas through necessity, to Barduath
to complete this Issue of The Dark SUN. But more of that later.
Firstly I am glad to say that the conversion of Gondor is going well
and I have sold many copies of Our Lord`s Holy Book "My Struggle" to
the peasants of that land. We hope to take his divine WORD to Rohan
in the very near future!
Firstly, I should start with the bad news from the Realm of Ji Indur,
those cunning elves have infiltrated KAL NARGIL and influenced it
away from the Cloud Lord. To make matters worse, my mistress ERENNIS
was caught unawares in her chamber and bundled into a sack by a
stumpy, ruddy-faced beardy and a little known Northmen agent. This
came a great shock to my Lady whom thought she had taken precautions
against such an intrusion, but upon their entrance could only look on
in surprise and say "KNYODEN, I thought you had agreed to come work
for me"! The stunned agent could only mumble "well I may have
considered it, if you could spell my name correctly". So now ERENNIS
is residing at an unknown location and I am once more your editor.
Funny how things work out. Funny how cheaply Northmen agents can be
bought too, I mean a night with the BURGULUK sisters? Some people
have no self control! Elvish sneaks have been swanning around several
Cloud Lord locations, is their no end to their cheek? I`m sure they
must know they will have to pay
in blood.
In better news, ZAKEN had a very eventful week in the Northmen`s
capital. There he was minding his own business and a bold fellow
named KOLDANA strode up to him and challenged him to a fight.
Shrugging and unpacking his magical dagger, ZAKEN obliged and chibbed
the geek to death. Later in the day, going about his bloody business,
ZAKEN brushed aside the efforts of SWITHWULF and BASEL GILL and slew
the army commander BARD I. ZAKEN has now risen to 3rd in the ranks
of the nation of the CLOUD LORD.
The armies of Ji Indur were also active this week, helping in the
liberation of Minas Tirith, ARAUDAGUL`s forces routed those of the
White Wizard under the unfortunate lemming SULDUN, thanks to
exceptional training and the help of a certain little pet named
LAMTHANC.
At Dol Amroth, Ji Indur and Lairathin added to the woe of South
Gondor by slaying the commanders BASHERE & UNO, leading to the
disbanding of an army of some 3000 troops. What a great shame,
Freepsters. How will you retake Minas Tirith now? That unfortunate
wretch SULDUN did not escape the cull at the former North Gondor
capital and was duly despatched by Cloud Lord agents too. In a very
impressive turn this took the nations tally to 22. Furthermore, more
than 10k was stolen from the Northmen. Very generous of them!
Oh pointy-eared Freep-boys we are slowly building a file of your
agents in our lands, and come the occupation retribution will be
swift! Your familes will be sought out and shipped to the east, your
homes and possessions will be confiscated, but you will not be around
to see it. Your inpudence knows no bounds, but you will pay. Oh yes!
In a daring snatch and grab raid, Leardinoth is glad to have
returned from that sleepy hamlet called BREE with the fabled
artifacts of the late KHAMUL, his dragon helm and armour. We are
pleased that it will now go to good use rather than mouldering in
Barlimen`s den of iniquity.
The Freep insolence know no bounds, their luck no limits it
seems, but you feel that things must swing the other way; MORANNON
has fallen to stumpy influence teams in a rare piece of FP initiative
and opportunism! This matter will, however be resolved forthwith and
shall do them little good. Do you seriously think you can keep it? At
4421 there was more Dwarven "success" where the She-Dwarf DIS [mother
of those unfortunate`s FILI & KILI] led a force against LEEGRASH`s
much smaller army. LEEGRASH was killed after the battle. However this
army has been cornered at 4321 by another Khand army with several
others enroute, but I guess it all serves to distract the eye from
the larger ELVEN CONSPIRACY, eh lads? The Northmen camp at 3719
should fall into Khand hands this turn with a small force their good
enough to take care of that chore, but where to next?
The Witch-King [ANGULION] has an army at yet another stumpy outpost
[2717] and expected to take out GLOIN`s band there. Furthermore
ROGROG has a much larger army at the Dunlendings capital. A bit of a
surprise for those tribesmen out west I would have thought. A close
battle is expected.
Even the dirty Dunadan scum have made their way south with ARAGORN
and co showing up in MORDOR. Let`s hope for their sake that they
don`t run into the wrong people or wander into a cave where spider
webs proliferate
and even the White Wizard has his agents in the
field, but at the Fire King`s capital they weren`t too successful
were they? The pathetic efforts of Bill Ferny, Moraiza and Soil Nanaw
were merely laughed at by the army commanders there
ADUNAPHEL has at last brought her army into South Gondor, her
magnificant force is bound to help the other armies in the liberation
of the Gondors. At New Pelargir the aforementioned BILL FERNY and co
have been spotted lurking around the docks [for what purpose we
hardly dare surmise
perhaps they like sailors], but given their lack
of skill last week surely they daren`t embarrass themselves again? It
is not decided where Adunaphel will head, but it is bound to be nad
news for the Freeps. In a rare word of praise Our Lord SAURON has
sent Medals of Commendation to the Quiet Avenger agents who scouted
out the attacks on Minas Tirith and Osgiliath and wants to make His
appreaciation known to all.
At the Ice King capital the smelly bunch of Dunadan reprobates [no
wonder they call themselves "rangers"] had the bare-faced affrontery
to kill the army commander DRUENCH [leaving it unprotected] and
ELROHIR challenged the rookie KHORGHUUL, the big-brave son of a half-
breed that he is. That LINDAL twerp was also in evidence. In better
news Ice King agents took out another two South Gondor characters at
Dol Amroth. Say your last farewells to THOM & GAUL. We`ll miss their
cherubic little grins
But THE big story this week must be the fall of MINAS TIRITH. Whilst
Cloud Lord cavalry took out the pathetic White Wizard army this left
LORD MARSHAL GOTHMOG to threaten the city away from North Gondor
hands. Ouch, that must hurt! Plans for the conquest of Rohan are now
at an advanced stage and you can count on GOTHMOG being at the
forefront! TORMOG too had his own success at Dol Amroth taking out
someone known as BALWER; they had a lovely Fanuilond White, to
compliment the best seafood of the region, chatted and danced the
night away and at the end of the evening TORMOG strangled the runt
with his own swishy crevatte! I make that 5 South Gondor characters
chibbed in one turn at their own capital, and the loss of 3000
troops. The pipsqueak SANDAR escaped death for the second time. Two
lives down seven to go, eh? If anyone is keeping score, my figures
count 34 Freep deaths to 20 of ours. Closer than I would have
imagined, but that deficit is only going to get wider the better our
agents get and when luck deserts the Freeps. Maybe next turn, where
WILL all those dinky little companies go?!? We see a Freep army at
3016. Coming to Morannon for a party? All Freepsters welcome, bring a
bottle, reception committee guaranteed!!!!!
DIN OHTAR is glad to have ended the life of AONGHAS of the
Dunlendings at 2622. You really should have back-up commanders with
your armies
were they really on the way to recapture MINAS TIRITH?
How
optimistic. DIN`s buddies are now hot on the trail of ELROND & Co.
The Corsairs expeditionary force in South Gondor is glad to add the
capture of 2627 to it`s stunning array of victories in the Gondor`s.
ALLURAC & BRAGOLMAITE plan to expand their operations in this region.
However the ruined former town of MINAS ARTHOR has fallen back into
enemy hands. This situation is not expected to last, with Corsairs
and others on hand.
Well my friends, this was a most unexpected return, and I hope that
it does not last too long as I am eager to get back on the road
taking the WORD OF SAURON [tm] to those who most need it. For now I
am your loyal servant,
WRIGOL PERRIT, Prophet of Sauron.