The Horror the Horror
It is indeed with a heavy heart that I have to report the continuing
bloodshed in this unfortunate War of the Rings. On a personal note I
have to share with you the news of a good friend and colleague in the
service of Sauron; Erennis was cruelly kidnapped last week due to an
error by her retinue. Things should have turned out so differently if
she could only spell
Erennis was "executed" at the Dark Lieutenants
camp at 3323 by the swineherd Kynoden. Indeed it was a bloody week at
that little known hamlet with Bolvag slaying Gildor in a duel and
later being stabbed in the back as he made his way from the field of
Honour. I guess Honour is a word the Freeps know nothing of!
We have to admit that the dwarves are doing a good job of
protecting their assets, or are they just skint? On each of our
visits to their lands their treasuries have been found empty! If only
the Northmen could follow their lead, perhaps the little orphans of
Mirkwood would go hungry this winter! Unlikely though, isn`t it? Bad
news for the Freeps, after a quiet week for Ji Indur, is that his
agents count at least 8 possible targets to "take care of" this week.
But which ones will they go for
and where?
Good news for all concerned [well perhaps NOT the Freep
companies currently swanning around Mordor without a care in the
world] is that the Darks CURSE SQUAD is now fully operational, not
meaning to be boastful, but capable of taking out 2 different
characters in it`s adjacent hexes AND protected by the best agents.
The Leader, our Saviour, Sauron is confident it will become a major
weapon in the weeks to come! Where is it now Freepsters?
In a piece of good luck for the Freeps, our Dog Lord nation
has gone bankrupt thanks to a foul and pervasive Virus called NIMDA
rampaging through his lands, making it impossible for him to direct
operations. His resources will be a sad loss, but I`m sure We Shall
Overcome!
As I said, BOLVAG was knifed in the back after his traumatic
duel with Gildor and several artifacts lost. All of this in Mordor.
Still we find the tactics heartening if they think they can abandon
military assault and depend upon turncoats, traitors and saboteurs to
win them the War. It I the belief of the War Cabinet that in the long-
run this tactic will backfire upon them and lead to our eventual
victory! The dramatic progress of Gothmog, having taken Minas Tirith
unopposed as his summer residence, goes on unabated into Rohan. No
horse-"lovers" have been seen on the approach to Edoras. Will they
dare stand in the Warlords path? Or do they know of his strength and
seek to hide in the mountain passes from his terrible onslaught?
Lady ADUNAPHEL herself is taking the fight to the enemy in
Gondor. It is predicted with her aid to the Corsairs of Umbar that
this land will be fully colonised in a few short weeks. There are
already plans to resettle this area with good, loyal families from
Mordor and Khand. The princes of Umbar have already made it their
business, as you will find, to colonise this land. Sadly, Elrunt and
his perverse friends have dared to breach the realm of the Lady
Nazgul. We do wish they`d come back to Mordor for a short spell, we
have such plans for their return!
At 2717 there was a momentous battle between the Dwarves
under GLOIN and the forces of the Witch-King under FURY URYK, with
the latter army running out winners only to be defeated by the
defending forces [and battlements] at the village there. In Dunland,
however there is even better news with ROGROG running amok, defeating
ENION at their own capital and facing another small Dunnish force
there this week. Another victory for Our Leader is predicted. And
still more armies issue out of Moria, they spew into Arnor seeking
camps to burn and armies to defeat before winter comes to the North.
Out East, GOROVOD the mage challenged the skulking assassin
DWALIN to a "square-go" and promptly ended that stumpies futile
existence. Bet he never even saw it coming? Do you see the value of
our Master`s superior intelligence? Of course it helps to have
insider information! At the same place, Khand`s NARKGA attacked the
Dwarven army under DIS [the bearded She-Dwarf, mmmm, saucy!] and
routed them. So ends another Stumpy offensive that promised so much
and came to naught!
The Fire King continues to try and rebuild after a difficult
time in his homeland. This week one of his major towns was lost to
the enemy through sneaky emmisary work. It is hard to see, though
what the Freeps plan to do with these population centres in the heart
of Mordor when they are so well guarded by our many skillful agents.
Speaking of which
I have momentous news of the Infidel ARAGORN. That
vagabond pretender to Sauron`s thrown of Lord of Middle-Earth has
been eliminated, all the dreams of the scheming Elves of putting this
puppet "Dunadan" there have been ended at the point of Fire King
agents dagger! As I said, it`s been a week of much bloodshed, and
it`s hard to say who has come out the better for it. Would you swap
the deaths of GILDOR & ARAGORN for those of ERENNIS & BOLVAG.
Personally I doubt it, but it is obvious that all are grevious losses
for their nations. The terrible Twins ELROHIR & ELLADAN will be left
to run the rump state in ARAGORN`s demise, for their authoritarian
father, the degenerate ELROND.
What more in the way of praise can the War Cabinet send to
Umbar? The astounding Corsairs have surprised everyone [including
their allies] by landing a double-HUGE army on the beleaguered city
of Dol Amroth, not 1 month after Cloud Lord agents ravaged the city ,
slaughtering would-be commanders of a defensive militia there. The
City should fall into Pirate hands this week. With the approach of
several thousand more troops from the east, what chance does South
Gondor have of surviving? Oh, yes, and we do know where the back-ups
are! In a sad loss, however, the temporary capital of the Dog Lord at
3430 was lost to the enemy and SARINA`s life was taken from her by
the Necromancer SARUMAN. One feels that a day of reckoning is well
overdue for this motley crew of privateers which includes all the
architects of the Elven Conspiracy in one band; ELROND, GALADRIEL,
CIRDAN & SARUMAN!
As you can see, an eventful fornight in Middle-Earth. The
Freeps flit around with their bothersome companies, playing russian-
roulette with our agents and cursers. Whilst the armies of the One
True Lord SAURON,storm westward across Gondor and into Rohan, North
and West into Rhun, and even to the eaves of Mirkwood! Is there to be
no military advance from these cowering puppets of the Elves? We look
forward with anticipation to the forthcoming events
WRIGOL PERRIT, Prophet of Sauron.
PS; My new Tome, "My Friend, Sauron" is available from all reputable
caravan merchants.