THE DARK SUN, Issue 22.
FREEPS "FORIEGN POLICY" PROVES COSTLY.
With all those Freep characters piled into Mordor the "good" nations
would be
hoping for beneficial results. It wasn`t to be this week. As has
often been
pointed out in this august "organ", their luck had to run out...the
blood
flowed freely and it was mostly that of the agents of the Elven
Conspiracy!
At the Ice King`s capital there was a score of Freepsters in
attendance, hoping
to do big damage. The result? The death of a lowly commander
Khorghuul Rog!
But at what cost? The Freeps characters did of course show up like
lights
on a winter-solstice tree. We took advantage. ELROHIR & the
louse,"lucky"
KYNODEN were plagued by boils that caused lesions in their brains and
rendered
them, uh, dead. Shame that. At the same location GIMLI was
assassinated, but
we were disappointed not to get his nice agent arties. Boo! Someone
called
ANGELIMAR escaped an attempt on him, but we have his number! At 2522
there was
another unfortunate cull of Freep leaders; the commanders CAMTHALION
of the
Silvan scum, JANISSARY of the Horse-Lovers & ELFHELM of the same
nation were
dispatched by Heroes of the War of Liberation! All three armies
disbanded
in the face of the approaching hordes of GOTHMOG leaving the way
clear for
his incursion into Rohan. But the woe did not end here; because he
was unnopposed
by enemy forces GOTHMOG`s mob was able to over-run a small band of
Rohan
renegades...please tell us that THEODEN was leading it Freepsters!?
That
would be SO sweet! What there were several characters with that army?
Oh dear!
Hoarmuruth also wants to know what Jyganoth intends to do with that
small
army he has sent almost to the gates of Morannon. Shouldn`t he be
back home
protecting his wives and my children?
Urzahil reports that ELRUNT the Molester in a fit of pique
has turned up with
his gang of degenerate mages at Minas Tirith. Hoping to influence it
back lads? Pity there
is an army defending it then. How did your scouting go? Did you catch
all
the commanders, agents in the hex? We wouldn`t have sent one of our
Curse Squads to
Osgiliath, would we? Where is Elladan? Did he throw himself off Mount
Doom when
he saw his brother perish? Did anyone tell dad? And so the various
members
of the Freep travelling freak-show ["no ear too pointy"] has moved on
to Barad-Dur
this turn. What will that cost the Freep War Effort?
One bright note for the Freeps comes from the news at
Morannon. The Ill-fated
effort to recapture that Major Town did provide some welcome news,
if, again, it owed
more to luck than skill; KRUSNAK challenged Malantur only to be
rebuffed and gladly
accepted the challenge from THORIN instead. Which did not go well for
the former doggie
agent! Loads of artifacts were lost! HOWEVER...THORIN himself was
chibbed later
in the day and the glittering prizes recovered for the good of
Sauronkind!
What that? Two kings killed in one day? Oh, yeah we haven`t confirmed
THEODEN yet,
have we? GO on Freeps tell us it aint so! ANGULION`s armies continue
to wreak
havoc in Arnor. Poor Freeps having to chase them down at such great
expense...
But fear not! MINAS MORGUL has gone to the rump South Gondor state
[yes, i did say
"rump" for what else is it? A military powerhouse? This will not
last, and smacks of
desperation for such a former power to be scrabbling around for
refuges against the
black tide of Mordor!
You will all be glad to know that the Fire King is at last
back on is feet and
open for business! Freeps watch out for developements in Rohan and
Mirkwood!
Some more, unlikely, good news from the Freeps comes from
3822, where a titanic
agent battle ended in joy against all odds for the Servants of Light;
Zaken the Cloud
Lord`s 3rd best agent [A85] ran out of lives and fell to a lucky
punch by Moraiza before
he even got his own attempt off! Come on
, we don`t believe the WW agent is that good! Admit it you got
lucky?! However, the WW company
there did lose it`s commander BARAGUND and has been forced to stay
put...some you win...
3822 once again changed hands, with the Dwarves claiming ownership.
The former Cloud Lord
township of Woodstock [2527] has fallen into Saruman`s hands, this
week a mighty battle is
expected there with forces of JI INDUR convening for a "square-go"!
Should be interesting. Another
piece of luck went the way of the Freeps at the Northmen capital
where the commander
Hamman dodged the knife of Cloud Lord agents. I`m beginning to think
i`m doubled...actually...
But at the same locale TENOBIA died on a whim of fate. Anybody
keeping score this turn?
How many are we up? But it`s quality, not quantity, right?
At Morannon; much fun and games...from our Long Rider
correspondent this;
"the ninth of Saurons Nazgûl ÛVATHA in top form:
He challenged Bork, but Bork refused. Then he was challenged by
Taurnil:
Finally, Taurnil fell to a savage barrage of blows by Ûvatha. Ûvatha
was noted
to have suffered minor wounds in the fight. YEAH!
At last Ûvatha took his dagger and assassinated THORIN II. " Oh, and
what a bonus! Nice shiny
artifacts back in Sauron`s possession! Ta. DIN OHTAR was surprised to
be cursed three times AND SURVIVE!
Good job we have mages on hand. The standard of Mordorian schooling
was again questioned with the
shocking news that Lomelindes mispelling spared Feamire from death.
Sheesh,
wattyagonnado?
The Crimson Tide flows ever on; at Morthondost 2223 TELKURHAD
routed the forces of South
Gondor under the refugee Celeborn who was lucky not to join the
casualty list for this most bloody
of weeks. Back at Morannon it was learnt that the innactive DENDRA
DWAR was assassinated by
persons unknown. A minor victory in the scheme of things. TELKURHAD
this
week faces another battle with DURBUHUK of the White Wizard, hoping
to keep up his
stunning success. However DURBUHUK will be buoyed by his win over
ALLURAC. This just gets more
fascinating! Elsewhere the Mighty BRAGOLMAITE has led his
expeditionary force deep into Rohan,
beside the legions of GOTHMOG, their goal must be to punish the horse-
lovers and gain vengeance
against the treacherous Mage Saruman! The former neutrals will be
made to pay for their support
of the Infidel Scum!
Adunaphel reports that her own incursion into Gondor is going
well; her scouts have identified
many easy targets for her invasion forces, and many new targets for
her allies to eliminate. You
have been warned. We Know Where U Live!
So who is winning this War of Liberation, Freepboys? This
turn alone must have REALLY hurt your
effort, with only flukey kills and inactive characters taken out by
you...let`s see...
FREEP DEAD t23;
Camthalion [silvan], Elrohir [rangers], Kynoden [northmen], Janissary
[rohan], Elfhelm [rohan],
Theoden [rohan, oh please!]? Thorin [dwarves], Baragund [White
Wizard], Gimli [Dwarves], Tenobia
[Northmen], Taurnil [former Sinda].
DARK DEAD t23;
Khorghuul Rog [Ice King], Krusnak [former Dog Lord], Zaken [Cloud
Lord], Dendra Dwar [former Dog Lord].
Would you swap ours for yours?! Didn`t think so.
As always i remain,
Your Servant,
Wrigol Perrit, Prophet of Sauron, Minister of Information.