"WE ARE MORDOR, SUPER MORDOR, NO ONE LIKES US, WE DON`T CARE!
WE HATE ELVES..." and i think we should leave it at that, huh?
SOooooooooooooooo, it finally happened, shock, gasp, bloody horror.
ALL 5 neutrals, for the first time in my esteemed diplomatic career
opted to join the same side; the Freeps and their very attractive
treasuries. Hilarious. All the more to rob we say. All the more
wealthy characters to chib in a back-alley. Oops. I promised not to
mention the corsairs sexual preference. Sorry Ben.
Our mole tells us that 2 of the new recruits moved straight into the
top 3 nations. Oh, how we giggled in Durthang at the prospect of
resigining our dark commissions enmasse and heading into the far
east. But the temptation to do harm is too strong...why quit when we
can gut and publicly display the leadership of the Elven Conspiracy
for their personal humiliation and civic entertainment? Let`s give
this war another few weeks? I know you`re asking "What did you do to
deserve ALL the Neutrals turning against you?" Well, the leadership
has been asking itself if totalitarian, fascist, megalomania was the
best spin we could put on our political agenda. Furthermore, it turns
out none of our missives have been reaching the [former] neutrals for
3 MONTHS! Hurrah! Barad-Dur has been a busy place this week,
the "games" at the OGROD MEMORIAL COLISEUM have never been more
entertaining. I myself foound time out of my busy schedule to attend
the Diplomatic Caste versus the Dragons battle on day 1. The sight
off all those failed emmisaries running around half-naked with
carrier pigeons stuffed in their mouths was spectacular!!! Our Lord
SAURON is said to have given full power to his AGENT caste. "A Free
Rein". Cool. Someone else is gonna pay!
But, what of the War?
MIRKWOOD:
Things continue to go well for the underdog Darks. Sorta.
BELPHEGOR and BOLG consolidated their armies at 2509 and moved to
2508 to block the approaching small armies of ASCARNIL [Noldo] and
ARADOR [Rangers]. This is as planned. However, other things did not
go to plan; OHTAR, the Silvan whelp managed to move onto the WK MT/F
at 2508 which is now undefended. This was due in large part to the
enchantments of RINGLIN who took out DURAN in a PC so avoiding a
costly battle for the Freeps. It remains to be seen what success the
Free can have at 2508. Several other free armies are closing in, but
all in all this area remains a place of relative success for the
Darks! BRAEGA of the defunct Woodmen nation was put out of all our
miseries by agents of THE LEADER this turn at 2711. Told you he was
turning up for his own funeral, didn`t i?
RHUN:
Where?
EAST MORDOR:
With the turn of the treacherous easterlings this area becomes one of
some concern for the beleaguered darks. A dwarven army has turned up
at one of the Dragon lord`s back-ups 3822. Will be interesting to see
what happens there. Small forces of the northmen and blind sorceror
will also meet at 3825.
MORANNON:
The funniest episode this turn was at the MT of the LR. The Rhun
Easterlings, flush with gold and shiny artifacts rode their cavalry
brashly into this keep only to have HURDRIAK kidnapped and JYGANOTH
assassinated. Bye-Bye cavalry, and, you`ll laugh, bye-bye shiny
artifacts "hard-won" from the freeps in return for their
allegiance!!! The gold won`t last much longer either...this was all
after the Easterlings, without the help of a rather dazed looking
Woodman Beneoracer and his motley crew of cavalry [with nice ST/ST
outfits] stood by and watched HURDRIAKS force defeat HARGROG and Co.
This week, the zombiefied BENEORACER can watch HARGROG take on the
accursed ERKUM [are they MAD in Rohan or what?] the latest in the
line of Riders "E" commanders to lead his cavalry into enemy
territory!
ITHILIEN:
Having just arranged the corpse of EOMUND in a fashionable pose to my
liking, i spotted that Northmen agent type KYNODEN lurking behind a
tree. I knew it was him because his mommy had helpfully sewn his name
on his britches, with up and down arrows on them. He threw a large
rock at me, which rebounded off the branches of the tree and smote
him on the bonce, he appeared to be unconscious, so taking pity on
the poor befuddled i let him be and headed off for sunnier climes.
Butt Pirates to annoy, and all that...
THE ITHIL PASS:
This is where things get interesting!
The Free have upped Osgiliath to a MT. All the better to recruit
from. We are concerned. At Minas Morgul and "huge" south gondor army
now protects it`s newest colony. ADRAHIL, if we can drag him away
from the pie table, will take on Fire King and Dark Lts armies under
SKARGNAKH, SNAGA and the venerable GOTHMOG. Osgiliath is jam-packed
with fun-loving gondorians. All the better to recruit...all the
better to stab in the gut and eviscerate. Where ARE all the dragons
when you need one!?!
HARAD:
I nearly forgot about this. The still neutral, pink and orange clad
pirates came to the Quiet Avengers capital city and in a most
surprising show of their weak-wristed power competely destroyed it.
Perhaps, they didn`t think they could hold onto it. Stable their
camels for a while they elected to spend the week picking through the
ruins for baubles and gold and stuff. Not that i`m saying that the
corsairs are money-grubbing mercenaries you understand. Just Idle
Banter. The newly Freepified Khand Easterlings have joined the
Conspiracy and sit at ADUNAPHELS former back-up Major Town.
WHITE WIZARD/DUNLENDINGS:
As ever these near neighbours, "confirmed bachelors" were found
holding hands and skipping gayly into the arms of the welcoming
freeps. Quite a surprise protest the freeps! Not to us, matey, having
never heard a word and seeing some of their agents steal from us for
weels, it was no great surprise to see these mighty powers official
join the other side. Call me a cynic, but is it just in time to
finish high up the leaderboard?
SCOREBOARD:
Freeps [14 nations]:
23 dead, 5 M-I-A.
Darks [8 nations]:
5 dead, 2 M-I-A.
My warmest regards, i`ll be seeing you soon,
MURMUR of Durthang.