PLEASE NOTE THEIR ARE NO PRE-TURN ORDERS IN THIS TRANSMISSION...
THE LIDLESS EYE, Issue 4.
Fair People of Middle-Earth!
What a dull week it has been for me personally, not an interesting
thing happened
oh well, maybe next week after I`ve redecorated my
cell at Durthang. As for Barad Perras I`ll leave that to the
Gondorians, a nice lick of paint and we`ll be ready to move back in
in a couple of weeks!
But, there has been other news I`ve been assured by my sources, so in
between translating SAURON`s "My Struggle" into the Elvish I`ve
written this newsletter from reports from all His realms;
In the North the Dunadan Rangers under the smelly gypo ARAGORN turned
up at Mt.Gram expecting another WK pop.centre to fall easily into his
plundering hands. What a surprise to find My Lord REN in attendance
with a small retinue. Perhaps he cursed the ingenuity of the Dark
Servants at transferring pop.centers and ruining all his big plans?
Whether ARAGORN ,or Stinker as I believe he is better known, will be
torn away from the sauce bottle long enough to mount any kind of
attack is debatable
Great Tidings from Erebor; The miscreant sorceror ELROND is DEAD! He
was relieved of his struggle for life whilst trying to pilfer the
treasures of that great mountain. It has been rumoured that he was so
tormented by his undying form that he was seeking the wherewithal to
fund "an operation" to alter his appearance. Indeed, of late, his
behaviour has been very odd. Why did he spend so many hours lurking
in the woods around kindergartens? What was with the penchant for
black-leather trenchcoats? Perhaps we shall never know! KHAMUL , who
witnessed the demise of the Elf Lord [one quarter of the Imfamous
GANG OF FOUR who plotted the original Elven Conspiracy] was noted to
have described the event as being quite a disappointment for someone
of so much supposed power; "he did not struggle against his
assailant, he merely vanished into the shadows and fog of death"
indeed I thought, has KHAMUL been so bored that he`s been trying
those legendary Halfling`s Mushrooms? But, he always was one for
flowery words; it`s said around the Cabinet Table at Barad-Dur that
that is how he charms the Great Wyrms. What a popular holiday
destination the Lonely Mountain is
I wish I could afford a vacation
by the Lakeland there. Oh, well, maybe one day.
By the Ruins of Dilgul the forces of UVATHA claimed another victory
in their destruction of DAIN`s dwarven rabble, only to be met with a
force of Silvan`s under OHTAR, maybe this battle, the third there
will be more successful for the Freep? The good news is that no
Freepling was killed this time! You see; progress!
Buth Ovaisa [3017] also proved to be the scene of a Freep reverse
where a Horse-girl called EOWYN, or as TONN describes her; "a short-
erse tomboy with bottle-blond hair" cheekily led her few troops
against forces under TONN and UVATHA. To what purpose? She did escape
the battle with her life, last seen running home to daddy
At Dol Guldor [2715] there was finally some good news for the Freeps;
a minor victory against a small Dragon Lord army after weeks of
feinting with small armies throwing themselves at the impenetrable
walls of KHAMUL`s domicile. MORNADAK has turned up there this turn to
face armies under BENEORACER [Woodenmen], EOMER [Horse-lover] and
FEAMIRE [Sinda wussboy], so that will be interesting, won`t it?!
OGROD has been having his own adventures, in his brief tour of
Mirkwood; after wiping out 2613 he set the torch to 2611 this week
and has moved onto the Mutant-Inbred`s capital at 2711. Numbers don`t
look so clear cut this week as the Treehuggers have small armies
there under BORNBENEOR and BRAEGA in attendance
The Freeps keep up their policy of burning DS camps in the mountains.
How tiresome, and not to mention pointless; you burn one, we build
one. Ad Infinitum
okay it`s nearly winter, maybe we`ll run out of
gold! It might work; I can just see the scene;
ELROND; right lads , this is the Council of Elrond! Er
while I go see
a man about a ring, you lot burn camps! ELVES TO THE BACK, MIND! Oh,
and you Gondorians needlessly throw yourselves at Mordor`s Walls!!!
BEORN; where will you be?
ELROND; just a quick holiday with my good "friend" Curunir. I`ll be
back in a week
GLORFINDEL [in awe]; Oh, how we will miss his leadership and insight!
[Sigh] Not to mention his beautifully tailored cloaks
Anyway the real battles [and War?] seem to be being fought at the
Ithil Pass. After the fall of Minas Morgul the Freeps tried to
regroup to face a DS onslaught. The South Gondorian General in the
Field, ADRAHIL sent his troops to face armies from Barad Ungol and
Barad-dur. However he was curiously missing for 3 days, after his
troops lost to the might of the 3000 Year Empire, before turning up
naked as the day he was born, shorn of hair and sprouting a newly
inserted radish. Similarly the missing-presumed-imprisoned WK mages
ANGLACH and ASHBURGNUL turned up near the same location. It is a
little known fact that these three were in fact good friends before
the outbreak of hostilies from their time at their Fanuilond Prep
School. Hence the radish? Even more coincidently they shared the
reek of rum and ANGLACH sported a new tattoo bearing the Emblem of
Umbar and the motto "See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil".
Whether this is the reference to the mages intent to go over to the
Freep we cannot tell! ADRAHIL was accompanied by a vile-looking She-
Orc and murmering about his "honeymoon in the mountains". He had also
lost the shiny baubles he bragged about bagging in the previous weeks
skirmish. The WK mages could not be reached for comment. So the
Freeps lost the 2nd Battle of Morgul and order was restored to the
Vale.
Barad Perras does not seem to be faring as well this week; a huge
army of North Gondorians [reputedly a more sober and conservative ,
if inbred and genetically imbalanced, race] has turned up at that
Town for a spot of refurbishing. The Gondorians have signaled their
intent to stay East of the River with their fortification of the slum
Town of Osgiliath. How confident of success they must be
At the troubled camp of Morgul the Rugged Rascally Riders of Rohan
have a sizeable army facing off against new armies from the Fire King
and the Dark Lts. It could be a close call as to what happens
and
that`s pretty much it. I could give you some details over the
struggle for some of the major artifacts, be boastful even, but for
reasons of national security I`ll wait to tell ya`ll about that
later.
And the neutrals? We have had little contact with any neutral nation,
perhaps they ALL value their privacy or don`t like our sense of
humour
anyway till next time, I remain
Your Humble Servant of Our Lord SAURON,
Murmur of Durthang
PS; Thanks to the Northmen for their kind words, we hope to take
advantage of his hospitality soon!