THE LIDLESS EYE, Issue 11.
And so...we few...we happy few, we fold our tents and make our way to
the wide open plains of the East with the host of the Elven
Conspiracy ever at our tails, ever harried and victimised by the
capitalist swine! The rebellion under The Leader could not be
sustained, our people were going hungry, our nations finances
collapsing. But let me tell you of the final days of the 3000 year
Empire from the perspective of the major players!
JI INDUR was very much at large when i last heard, heading up the
Empires Death Squads in conjunction with DIN OHTAR, but under the
direct control of Our Lord Sauron. At his camp of Carach Angren in
the heart of Mordor the illegitimate offspring of the Old Goat
THEODEN, the imaginitively titled THEOBEN [scared of the curse
of "E"?] was set to face ULZOG of the Ice King`s nation in a do or
die battle for access to the open plains of Udun. STRULUG had
organised an army for the home defence made of elderly goblins and
wet behind the ears snagas and was set to issue forth from Rul to
face the armies of oppression swarming in from the east. Meanwhile JI
himself in the company of UTHLUG scoured the streets of Minas Tirith
for the pyromaniac DENETHOR. However, back home, his people were
starving, whilst spies flew over Barduath the Free Worlds sanctions
were devastating his economy. It would collapse in the next few
days...but some blows for liberty were made; GORGUN slew the
Gondorian pigdog ANBORN as he rode at the rear of his retinue in
Osgiliath, that city of sleaze. JI INDUR and UTHLUG could not dig out
the fire warden, but found many targets at Minas Tirith for their
knives. At 2509 LAIRATHIN added another notch to his cerated dagger
by cutting the throat of ASCARNIL and was tracking the rangers
commander ARADOR. ELBORON was in his sights also having "taken care
of" GLORFINDEL. ZAKEN joined GORGUN at Minas Morgul for more
slaughter...
Once more DOL GULDOR was under pressure, with BRAND of the Sinda
attacking an army under GRASHUKH at the Dragon Lord`s capital.
GASKBUZ with his 1100 HI had intercepted a raiding silvan band at
2708 led by LEGOLAS, he of the golden locks and secret lembas
addiction. It is rumoured that pretty boy Leggy as he`s known in
THRANDUIL`s court is to give up the army and take up a career in
haute couture for the discerning elf. Now he`ll live to see through
his life`s dream. Sweet! KHAMUL was in his lords "eagles nest"
hideaway at 2809 priming elite troops for the battle for Mirkwood.
His economy too was on it`s last legs with the loss of 3822 to a
sudden stumpy invasion. Those longbeards can smell gold from 100
leagues! And their woman folk have beards!!! Commander GLAFEIN took
the undefended major town from the Dragon Lord, dooming him to
bankruptcy. Meanwhile GUROMIR of the defunct and useless Woodmen
escaped to find his home repossessed and his people no more! The
forces of conspiracy were mustering to the threat in the north and
closing in on KHAMUL`s realm.
Nearby the Angmar realm of MURAZOR was expanding beyond it`s means;
Maethelburg and Buhr Widfuiras were taken from the outflanked
Woodmen, the former capital of the shapeshifting mutants handed over
for redecoration to Ren, and the back-up withstanding a pathetic
attempt by OHTAR to threaten it. The Witch Kings mages were breeding
slaves for war and he himself led 3450 troops to Maethelburg spoiling
for a fight, greedily seeing small armies nearby that he might overun
when adding the 800HI of the War Hero BOLG OF THE NORTH, the
liberator of Maethelburg! Angulion kept recruiting at Mt.Gundabad for
the threat on 1502 or the reinforcement of 2508. The next target was
to be Caras Galadhon. The huge army under BOLG would be preceeded by
lesser ones from other nations and MURAZOR would reveal it allowing
an easy threat. In theory. But, the large troop numbers were costing
too much gold, a large tax hike might result in the collapse of the
economy all together...At 3107 GAURITHOTH was frantically trying to
access smaug or the ring of wind with his conjurers wiles. In the
first battle of 2509; BELPHEGORS 1016HI was defeated by a
Noldo/Ranger axis of 800HI under ASCARNIL and 500HI under ARADOR
respectively. But BELPHEGOR had done her job in halting the amries
for the assassins and the roll over! The enemies took severe losses
and ASCARNIL was chibbed to bits by LAIRATHIN.
The lot of AKHORAHIL was not happy. He stood alone against the
pillaging hordes from the east, with little in the way of armies.
VULMEK was at 4025 facing an army under BAIN I with his own 600HI. If
he won it would only be a matter of time before the village fell. His
economy however was one of the bright ones; 4k deficit with 6k in the
vaults! Hurrah, there would be porridge at Luglurak! However his best
emmy "EMMIE" fell prey to the vampire CELGOR this turn, the bane of
the mountains of Mordor! At 3825, UTHCU was making his way back to
3627 to reinforce it only to run into a Northmen band of 157HI under
DIRHAEL, and were slaughtered. Uthcu escaped to the hills with
grievous wounds. Meanwhile top secret spell research continued to
gain "CURSE" technology. Using Gurthang ETHACALI had
perfected "Weakness". MAGURGOTH stole a pittance from the stingy
corsairs and moved to act as AKHORAHILS bodyguard. NALDURGARTH
learned "Sickness" and handed off the spirit mastery artifact. But,
the research was doomed to fall short of needs...
My master HOARMURATH`s nation was financially stricken for most of
the War, his agents were bent upon destruction rather than theft, and
his armies doomed to a defensive role! ULZOG acted this week to move
to Morannon, but got only as far as Carach Angren. The small force he
left behind to defend the capital under MURANOG had the bad luck of
disturbing a graveyard and scattered to the four winds. It seems as
if the fates had conspired against the Ice King from the beginning.
he did not have 5k to raise a new capital army! Meanwhile My Lord
himself was leading a merry band of assassins which contained
GAURHIR, ZAKEN and GORGUN to Minas Morgul in a bid to kill off the
invading commanders. The risen Wraith of ELROND, EL-DRONE stole some
gold from north gondor and came to meet me and GORTHOG at 3034, where
a new dangerous alliance was to be formed in an agent company.
GORTHOG found no enemies at the fallen QA capital, so the targets
were many for this murderous brigade! HOARMURATH challenged GOROMIL
at Osgiliath as he was spotted leaving a house of ill repute in the
company of RAGNIR and TURIN. The mage blanched and fled into the
night at the sight of the enraged ringwraith! I myself had my choice
of targets...would it be ISCARIAN, EARNIL or GEDRON for the chop? I
opted for the commander agent half-hoping for another bounty in the
form of an agent artifact, but mostly just wanting to take out a
guard who would not be guarded! It worked. I add him to my sadly
shortlist of LINDAL and EOMUND. I can retire into the east and ponder
what could have been...
REN had always wanted a home in the fresh air of the north. He was
forever building new ones, and what would happen? Effeminate Elves
and Vagabond Bum Rangers would turn up and stink the place out,
having the cheek to complain about the smell that was already there.
Such was the case this week at 2006 where ELLADAN and HALBARAD were
in attendance. Barad Ungol remained inviolate throughout the war, no
FP having set foot there! We are proud of that at least. And REN go
his home in the North when MURAZOR gave him another with the Major
Town of Buhr Widufiras from which to spread his charming aroma to the
snobbish elves! SHAGRAT had already raised 400HI after abandoning Ash
Wells at 2006. At Minas Morgul, two armies of the dark lts and SHRUG
of the FK faced a large army under ADRAHIL. It may have been an
interesting spectacle, and the gondorian fetishist [is he a really
good friend of KYNODEN? that`s the rumour...] would surely have been
garotted afterwards. then again, he probably likes that kind of
thing...thanks to the new MT, REN could have squeezed by another week
or two. At Morgul the previous week armies under SKARGNAKH and SNAGA
of the FK took on ADRAHIL`s 711HC/1597HI and duly lost. GOTHMOG of
the Dark Lts opted to standby and try and threaten the camp. It`s
doubtful that his 1000HI would have made any difference to the
outcome. Both FK commanders were captured, however, SKARGNAKH later
escaped.
What news from the other realms?
In a hurried communique from Tol Buruth, where the Long Rider was
making his secret home until the Return of the Leader, in his typical
working class manner of speech, agricultural i believe it has been
called by the more polite LOMELINDE, UVATHA reported in his final
despatch;
"Well, the best part was that Hargrog, true to form...challenged out
and killed Erkum of the Rider of Rohan!!!<S>
Otherwise, it was pretty much ass. My agents all failed at the Sinda
cap, Din got injured, down to 40 pts of health.
Army at Morannon was destroyed, Hargrog was captured but later
escaped, lost the flails of Horse Slaying (or is that E slaying?)
Removed some fortis at Tol Buruth, cutting down on my monetary
needs."
And that was all, before the long silence. The Dark Lts remain mortal
and may sue for peace, the NAZGUL shall follow DENDRA and ADUNAPHEL
as shadows with their Lord in the void, the others will gather in the
east and try and eak out a living out from under the yoke of the
capitalist elven conspiracy...the fight is over. For now. I`ll leave
you with the philosophy of the sage REN THE UNCLEAN [just before he,
SHELOB and CELGOR and a few thousand maggot ridden orcs decided to
redecorate Barad Ungol for the approaching gold hungry Freeps in
their own, inimitable, tasteful and pungent manner];
"I sat and stared into the Fire and wondered what the
future would be like under Elven rule.The deeper
I looked the shallower it became."
Ren the Unclean
MURMUR OF DURTHANG
SCOREBOARD
Freep Dead--27
Freep Captured--3
Dark Dead--7
Dark Captured--3
"Support Your Local Poet"
David Murray.