THE LIDLESS EYE, Issue 11.
And so…we few…we happy few, we fold our tents and make our way to the wide open plains of the East with the host of the Elven Conspiracy ever at our tails, ever harried and victimised by the capitalist swine! The rebellion under The Leader could not be sustained, our people were going hungry, our nations finances collapsing. But let me tell you of the final days of the 3000 year Empire from the perspective of the major players!
JI INDUR was very much at large when i last heard, heading up the Empires Death Squads in conjunction with DIN OHTAR, but under the direct control of Our Lord Sauron. At his camp of Carach Angren in the heart of Mordor the illegitimate offspring of the Old Goat THEODEN, the imaginitively titled THEOBEN [scared of the curse of “E”?] was set to face ULZOG of the Ice King`s nation in a do or die battle for access to the open plains of Udun. STRULUG had organised an army for the home defence made of elderly goblins and wet behind the ears snagas and was set to issue forth from Rul to face the armies of oppression swarming in from the east. Meanwhile JI himself in the company of UTHLUG scoured the streets of Minas Tirith for the pyromaniac DENETHOR. However, back home, his people were starving, whilst spies flew over Barduath the Free Worlds sanctions were devastating his economy. It would collapse in the next few days…but some blows for liberty were made; GORGUN slew the Gondorian pigdog ANBORN as he rode at the rear of his retinue in Osgiliath, that city of sleaze. JI INDUR and UTHLUG could not dig out the fire warden, but found many targets at Minas Tirith for their knives. At 2509 LAIRATHIN added another notch to his cerated dagger by cutting the throat of ASCARNIL and was tracking the rangers commander ARADOR. ELBORON was in his sights also having “taken care of” GLORFINDEL. ZAKEN joined GORGUN at Minas Morgul for more slaughter…
Once more DOL GULDOR was under pressure, with BRAND of the Sinda attacking an army under GRASHUKH at the Dragon Lords capital. GASKBUZ with his 1100 HI had intercepted a raiding silvan band at 2708 led by LEGOLAS, he of the golden locks and secret lembas addiction. It is rumoured that pretty boy Leggy as hes known in THRANDUILs court is to give up the army and take up a career in haute couture for the discerning elf. Now hell live to see through his lifes dream. Sweet! KHAMUL was in his lords "eagles nest" hideaway at 2809 priming elite troops for the battle for Mirkwood. His economy too was on its last legs with the loss of 3822 to a sudden stumpy invasion. Those longbeards can smell gold from 100 leagues! And their woman folk have beards!!! Commander GLAFEIN took the undefended major town from the Dragon Lord, dooming him to bankruptcy. Meanwhile GUROMIR of the defunct and useless Woodmen escaped to find his home repossessed and his people no more! The forces of conspiracy were mustering to the threat in the north and closing in on KHAMUL`s realm.
Nearby the Angmar realm of MURAZOR was expanding beyond it`s means; Maethelburg and Buhr Widfuiras were taken from the outflanked Woodmen, the former capital of the shapeshifting mutants handed over for redecoration to Ren, and the back-up withstanding a pathetic attempt by OHTAR to threaten it. The Witch Kings mages were breeding slaves for war and he himself led 3450 troops to Maethelburg spoiling for a fight, greedily seeing small armies nearby that he might overun when adding the 800HI of the War Hero BOLG OF THE NORTH, the liberator of Maethelburg! Angulion kept recruiting at Mt.Gundabad for the threat on 1502 or the reinforcement of 2508. The next target was to be Caras Galadhon. The huge army under BOLG would be preceeded by lesser ones from other nations and MURAZOR would reveal it allowing an easy threat. In theory. But, the large troop numbers were costing too much gold, a large tax hike might result in the collapse of the economy all together…At 3107 GAURITHOTH was frantically trying to access smaug or the ring of wind with his conjurers wiles. In the first battle of 2509; BELPHEGORS 1016HI was defeated by a Noldo/Ranger axis of 800HI under ASCARNIL and 500HI under ARADOR respectively. But BELPHEGOR had done her job in halting the amries for the assassins and the roll over! The enemies took severe losses and ASCARNIL was chibbed to bits by LAIRATHIN.
The lot of AKHORAHIL was not happy. He stood alone against the pillaging hordes from the east, with little in the way of armies. VULMEK was at 4025 facing an army under BAIN I with his own 600HI. If he won it would only be a matter of time before the village fell. His economy however was one of the bright ones; 4k deficit with 6k in the vaults! Hurrah, there would be porridge at Luglurak! However his best emmy “EMMIE” fell prey to the vampire CELGOR this turn, the bane of the mountains of Mordor! At 3825, UTHCU was making his way back to 3627 to reinforce it only to run into a Northmen band of 157HI under DIRHAEL, and were slaughtered. Uthcu escaped to the hills with grievous wounds. Meanwhile top secret spell research continued to gain “CURSE” technology. Using Gurthang ETHACALI had perfected “Weakness”. MAGURGOTH stole a pittance from the stingy corsairs and moved to act as AKHORAHILS bodyguard. NALDURGARTH learned “Sickness” and handed off the spirit mastery artifact. But, the research was doomed to fall short of needs…
My master HOARMURATH`s nation was financially stricken for most of the War, his agents were bent upon destruction rather than theft, and his armies doomed to a defensive role! ULZOG acted this week to move to Morannon, but got only as far as Carach Angren. The small force he left behind to defend the capital under MURANOG had the bad luck of disturbing a graveyard and scattered to the four winds. It seems as if the fates had conspired against the Ice King from the beginning. he did not have 5k to raise a new capital army! Meanwhile My Lord himself was leading a merry band of assassins which contained GAURHIR, ZAKEN and GORGUN to Minas Morgul in a bid to kill off the invading commanders. The risen Wraith of ELROND, EL-DRONE stole some gold from north gondor and came to meet me and GORTHOG at 3034, where a new dangerous alliance was to be formed in an agent company. GORTHOG found no enemies at the fallen QA capital, so the targets were many for this murderous brigade! HOARMURATH challenged GOROMIL at Osgiliath as he was spotted leaving a house of ill repute in the company of RAGNIR and TURIN. The mage blanched and fled into the night at the sight of the enraged ringwraith! I myself had my choice of targets…would it be ISCARIAN, EARNIL or GEDRON for the chop? I opted for the commander agent half-hoping for another bounty in the form of an agent artifact, but mostly just wanting to take out a guard who would not be guarded! It worked. I add him to my sadly shortlist of LINDAL and EOMUND. I can retire into the east and ponder what could have been…
REN had always wanted a home in the fresh air of the north. He was forever building new ones, and what would happen? Effeminate Elves and Vagabond Bum Rangers would turn up and stink the place out, having the cheek to complain about the smell that was already there. Such was the case this week at 2006 where ELLADAN and HALBARAD were in attendance. Barad Ungol remained inviolate throughout the war, no FP having set foot there! We are proud of that at least. And REN go his home in the North when MURAZOR gave him another with the Major Town of Buhr Widufiras from which to spread his charming aroma to the snobbish elves! SHAGRAT had already raised 400HI after abandoning Ash Wells at 2006. At Minas Morgul, two armies of the dark lts and SHRUG of the FK faced a large army under ADRAHIL. It may have been an interesting spectacle, and the gondorian fetishist [is he a really good friend of KYNODEN? thats the rumour...] would surely have been garotted afterwards. then again, he probably likes that kind of thing...thanks to the new MT, REN could have squeezed by another week or two. At Morgul the previous week armies under SKARGNAKH and SNAGA of the FK took on ADRAHILs 711HC/1597HI and duly lost. GOTHMOG of the Dark Lts opted to standby and try and threaten the camp. It`s doubtful that his 1000HI would have made any difference to the outcome. Both FK commanders were captured, however, SKARGNAKH later escaped.
What news from the other realms?
In a hurried communique from Tol Buruth, where the Long Rider was making his secret home until the Return of the Leader, in his typical working class manner of speech, agricultural i believe it has been called by the more polite LOMELINDE, UVATHA reported in his final despatch;
"Well, the best part was that Hargrog, true to form…challenged out
and killed Erkum of the Rider of Rohan!!!
Otherwise, it was pretty much ass. My agents all failed at the Sinda
cap, Din got injured, down to 40 pts of health.
Army at Morannon was destroyed, Hargrog was captured but later
escaped, lost the flails of Horse Slaying (or is that E slaying?)
Removed some fortis at Tol Buruth, cutting down on my monetary needs."
And that was all, before the long silence. The Dark Lts remain mortal and may sue for peace, the NAZGUL shall follow DENDRA and ADUNAPHEL as shadows with their Lord in the void, the others will gather in the east and try and eak out a living out from under the yoke of the capitalist elven conspiracy…the fight is over. For now. I`ll leave you with the philosophy of the sage REN THE UNCLEAN [just before he, SHELOB and CELGOR and a few thousand maggot ridden orcs decided to redecorate Barad Ungol for the approaching gold hungry Freeps in their own, inimitable, tasteful and pungent manner];
“I sat and stared into the Fire and wondered what the
future would be like under Elven rule.The deeper
I looked the shallower it became.”
Ren the Unclean
MURMUR OF DURTHANG
SCOREBOARD
Freep Dead–27
Freep Captured–3
Dark Dead–7
Dark Captured–3
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David Murray.