It’s the deep breath before the plunge…
We’re too busy (redacted) in (redacted) and (redacted) with (redacted) to post.
That’s the trouble with putting the Democrats in charge of the House - you aren’t allowed to say anything! Political correctness gone mad! LOLOLOL!
The High Oracle of the Illuminati looked around the high table at the gathered neutral Lords of Middle Earth. To his left, both Kings from the North and South Kingdoms were engaged in intense discussions among themselves. On his right, the Dread Lord from the Efusians was discussing a missive just received from the front with his second. And finally, the Dread Pirate of Ultramar kept calling on the buxom wine maiden to refresh his glass so that he could arrange for the after meeting pleasantries.
Seeing that the time had come to call this meeting to order, the Illuminated High Oracle nodded to the guards present to secure the doors and called for the gathered party to heed to his words by rapping his hand loudly on the table.
All grew quiet and looked upon the High Oracle as he started, "My Lords of the truly free neutral realms of Middle Earth! We are gathered here to proclaim our intentions!” With nods all around from the Lords present the High Oracle continued, “Over these many fortnights of recent activities in and around our nations, we have all suffered grievous threats and violations into our lands from both the so called Free Peoples and Dark Servants of Middle Earth. Rumors of enemy agents frequent all our lands and have been confirmed. No longer will our women and children fear the night and threats we suffer at those enemies around our borders! We proclaim that we as one banner will stand together against all those in Middle Earth who will oppose us be they Free People or Dark Servant!” Loud cheers of affirmation and raised fists from all the Lords present met the High Oracles words as he made his prophetic declaration as to the tides of Middle Earth.
“We proclaim that our nation’s banners raised high as one mighty neutral empire will fight together against the enemies around us and that my Lords present will lead us to victory against the foes before us! To Victory!!!”
Loud cheers erupted and drinks flowed freely in celebration as the war pyres across the neutral nations of Middle Earth burned brightly as the neutral armies marched forth to crush their enemies! The Dread Pirate of Ultramar was last seen taking his leave shortly after the initial cheers died down with a smiling wine maiden following his departure…
Hmmm … Free people to the North and East of me and neutrals to the South and West.
This game just got fun.
I am sure the Freeps thought that the Men of the Shade would have tapped out by now … Sorry fellas … I am just a stubborn old King.
Looks like I may have to surrender my sword to some neutral now. You Freeps better hurry up.
Dread Pirate Qoquag, captain of the vast Dread Armada of the Ultramar, shifted restlessly in his massive chair as he refreshed his mug of hot spiced rum as he looked back down at his charts depicting the forested coastline of the Horselords. The wintry northern waters were challenging yet not a deterrent for his elite corsairs. Settling back into his thoughts and enjoying his hot rum to break the fast of another icy day at sea. Scowling at finding no possible ports or beaches along the thick forests over these past few weeks was starting to get his blood up. The Dread Armada under his command were all eager for battle and glory especially hearing reports that their neutral allies on land had struck the first blows against their many enemies. Their time was coming…
It was rumored that these northern Free People nations in the region maintained fleets yet no sightings had been reported or verified. Maybe they had heard of the Dread fleets coming? Looking out the captain’s window over the stern of the mighty war galleon, Qoquag took a long pull on his now warm spiced run. Just as his gaze started to discern the early morning glow that started as dawn broke over the forests of the Horselords, a loud rap at his door disturbed his rum and thoughts.
“Enter!” barked the Dread Pirate. His first mate, Grog the Red, quickly entered with a flourish of his signature blood-red cape followed him into the Dread Pirate Qoquag’s quarters. Stopping short of the captain’s desk, the first mate announced his report with a zealous smile of anticipation. “M’Lord we have sighted multiple masts with brown sails trying slip thru along the coastline from the north heading south.” Grog the Red watched the Dread Pirate stand and quickly buckle his cutlass reading himself for battle before continuing. “I had the crowsman signal the fleet to make ready to follow your lead. We stand by for your order to unfurl all the black sails. The gods favor us as the winds blow at our stern and our prey sails into a headwind trying to tact back and forth along their course south.” A rare smile broke across the Dread Pirate’s face as he gave the order to Grog the Red, “Unfurl the Dread black sails and make sure the battle flags of Ultramar are flying high so our prey will know fear and Dread as we fall upon them.”
The sea gods had smiled and blessed his first catch. Dread Pirate Qoquag laughed and encouraged his men as the Dread Armada encircled their catch, a large number of laden transports from the northernmost Free People nation of Oria Araana. Fearful faces of armored men could be seen among the enemy transports as nervous neighs of horses could be heard in the hulls. A short, portly man with a bald head on the lead transport appeared to be pushed forward on the bow of the lead transport. His high pitched screeching and gesticulation may have been feeble attempts to call forth a last ditch challenge but, he musing was lost in the orchestra of impending doom as the Ultramar Dread Armada maneuvered in attack position.
Somewhere off the icy western coast of the Horselords in high seas…
At the head of a mighty armada fleet of warships and transports was Dread Pirate Qoquag of the nation of the Ultramar. At the head of a fleet of fully loaded transports was Captain Tiwaz of the nation of the Oria Araana.
On that day in history…
Dread Pirate Qoquag ordered his ships to surround the enemy fleet. “Surround the curs and show no mercy!!!” A loud roar and cheers we heard as the Ultramar Pirates attacked.
Captain Tiwaz ordered his ships to meet the enemy fleet in standard battle formation. “Flee we are doomed” was the last understandable words heard from the doomed laden transport commander.
Dread Pirate Qoquag’s navy totally overwhelmed the laden transports under the command of Captain Tiwaz.
After the battle. …Qoquag’s forces were victorious in the battle and only suffered mere flesh wounds. Dread Pirate Qoquag easily survived and ordered casks of rum broke out of the stores in celebration of the first of many Dread armada victories.
As the victorious Dread Armada sailed over the broken ships and floating bodies of men and horses from Oria Araana, loud songs and laughter could be heard over the once icy winds as the Dread pirates readied their vessels for the next task at hand.
And yes, there was much rejoicing and the search for a landing spot continued…
As the Men of the Shade prepare for exile … We wonder … What is this “rejoicing”? We know not of this emotion.
OUCH!
That is all I have to say.
Hear ye! hear ye!
The murderer Pirate Qoquag of the Ultramar has been tried and found guilty of crimes against the OA. His force of murderous pirates attacked an unarmed flotilla of transports, carrying kittens, puppies, soft woolly lambs and fluffy bunnies. His vicious brutes, led by their villainous leader Qoquag, engaged in the senseless slaughter of these harmless creatures without respite until all our vessels were sunk and all our baby animals drowned.
The OA could not stand by and allow this heinous crime to go unpunished. Through great bravery Qoquag was hunted down, kidnapped, interrogated and brought to justice. The ‘great hero’ was keen to deliver the lives of his comrades to us in a doomed effort to save his own skin. Many of his comrades now languish in our gaols, awaiting their own day of judgement…
One week ago the ‘hero’ of Ultramar was tried by an independent panel of judges - Shaun the Sheep, Peter Rabbit, Sylvester and Lassie - found Qoquag guilty of crimes against cartoon animalkind.
Qoquag was subsequently, in rather less comedic circumstances, executed and his inverted corpse has been nailed to the gates of Bree to show that not even the ‘great’ North Kingdom of usurpers and oath breakers can protect Ultramars favoured son…
The arm of the OA is long, and it’s sons and daughters are patient.
Hear ye! hear ye! All hail the OA
Qoquaq felt the life draining out of his body as the noose continued to tighten around his neck. His neck should have snapped with the drop. Mindless savages, these people couldn’t even tie a hangman’s knot properly.
As his field of vision began to narrow and blur, Qoquaq smiled with the knowledge that he would be avenged. His brothers in arms would return soon, and they would purge the heretics from these lands.
His diaphragm began to spasm, as his autonomic nervous system sought to force air into his lungs, and he knew that his time had come. He comforted himself with a prayer.
My armor is contempt.
My shield is disgust.
My sword is hatred.
In the Emperor’s name, let none survive.
May the powers of balance in Middle Earth prevail.
Nations claiming to follow freedom attack us with armies, blades in the night, and velvety poisonous tongue. Yet what freedom is bought by conquest? Certainly not freedom of the conquered. Defend the homelands!
And those who follow the shadow descend with their hordes against our cities as their own assassins slip through the night leaving stench in their wake. Rally peoples of the Southern Kingdom! Pay no heed to the empty promises of the forked tongued ones, for they follow dark paths and their words ring hollow.
Truly, in a world filled with such strife, balance must prevail. The Southern Kingdom doth hereby call our peoples to arms! Rise up and defend the homeland! United we stand with our brethren from the west and Northern Kingdom. Together we shall fight. No matter the odds.
So sayeth the King of the South,
So, I guess that means that 3024 has fallen to the Evil Team. : (
Actually we evils like to refer to ourselves as thork tongued. Forks have four points. It’s a well known fact that our tongues have only three points. And so please believe me when I tell you that Osgiliath is perfectly fine, standing completely unharmed in the Ithilien sun. 
Osgiliath stands at the moment, valiantly defended.
Lacking confidence in their strategies and commanders, the evil nations have amassed almost 20,000 soldiers to assault our walls. Was not this war fought in the last age? Did we not vanquish the forces of evil here and across the river just but a few generations ago?
Even as Osgiliath faces near certain conquest, our nation notes victories against the forces of darkness across the land. Battles may be won and lost, but the war is far from decided. And let it be said how the peoples of the South Kingdom have rallied not to fall under the influence of sporked tongued emissaries while the denizens of darkness appear to relish the opportunity to join us in seeking balance throughout Middle Earth.
Go home evil ones. You are not welcome here.
Turn 25. Congrats to everyone still alive and kicking… This is becoming quite the barroom brawl with all three allegiances throwing haymakers.