Thranduil was bored. He had his long blonde hair combed several times already and ran out of things to do. He turned to inspecting his carefully manicured fingernails for a third time, when he was interrupted by a herald who hurried past his guards and kneeled down before him.
“Pray tell, what is so important to disturb my, um…, tactical considerations?”
“Mylord, there has been word from our allies”
“Indeed? What allies are you referring to?”
The herald looked confused. “Well mylord, those nations that support our assault on Dol Guldur: the Woodmen, the Eothraim and the Dwarves.”
“We are allied with the Dwarves? How did that happen?”
The herald showed first signs of resignation, but his face lightened up when another elf stepped up to the makeshift throne, Aralas, adjudant and military counselor.
“Ahem, if I may take the liberty to advise you in this matter, mylord?”
Thranduil just waved his hand in tediousness.
“Speak up, good elf, what are the news of our allies?”
“The messengers say that there are signs of the enemy surrendering, white flags have been seen on the battlements of Dol Guldur, and similar news come in from other parts of Middle Earth”
Thranduil chuckled “I should very much doubt that there is any white cloth left in that disgusting hole of filth”
Aralas managed to ignore him “That is excellent news, it seems we have won the war!”
“How disappointing” Thranduil complained “what will we do now if the battle is cancelled? The whole world seems to have conspired to bore me to death”
Aralas leaned towards his king and whispered “Your lordship should consider the lives our elven warriors, who now can return home safely”
“Right, of course, especially with regard to the fact that we are a dying race…” Thranduil whispered back “by the way, under the given circumstances I always wondered how it should be possible for us to muster thousands of troops…”
There was silence, Aralas stared at the ceiling.
“Well, indeed”, Thranduil spoke up “much bloodshed has been prevented, some of which is more, some less fortunate”
The herald brightened up “Good one mylord, a pity about all that wretched orcs which get away alive now”
“Orcs? Well originally I was referring to the dw-“
“I am sure none of Saurons abominations will cause any more harm” Aralas interrupted quickly. “any more news from our allies?”
The herald nodded “they request your army and the war machines to march up in front of Dol Guldur, to show our strength.”
“Tell them we will come. You may leave now”
“Bloody hell” Thranduil cursed as soon as the herald had left. “Everything is nicely prepared, we even had leaf-shaped hair clips for every soldier, and then the blasted villains call the whole thing off! And what’s worse, I am invited to tea with treebeard next week and have to tell him we have chopped down all those trees for the war machines in vain. How many would that be?”
“Er…about 25.000 mylord!”
“My goodness, that’s a whole forest. How am I to explain that to him?”
Aralas shrugged. “I am sure your lordship will master this situation in your own, um, distinctive manner”
“Probably, my faithful Aralas, probably. One more thing before you leave”
“Yes mylord?”
“Can you obtain for me a mumak?”
“A mumak mylord?”
“Yes, one of those big, large-eared animals with pointy teeth from far south”
“I know what a mumak is mylord, they come from haradwaith. As it seems, our corsair allies will soon be in control of the whole area, so maybe I could get one. The question is what do you want it for?”
“Well it’s Legolas. The boy was visiting auntie Galadriel last month and had a peek into her mirror, though I forbade him to. Now he is rambling about his role in history, practicing archery everyday and says he needs a mumak for training reasons. You know me, I got a soft spot for the child. “
“I’ll see what I can do. Now I will tell the good news to our elves, if you allow me to.”
“Yes, don’t let me detain you…. Ah! Servants! I think I broke a nail!!”