Good Day, Servants of the One True Lord, SAURON!
I look around the map of Middle-Earth and foresee nothing but woe for the Capitalist Empire of the Elves. Their long-wrought plans for world domination are now very much in danger or evapourating, like Woodman Sweat on a Sunny Day. The stain is removed, yet the odour will linger long in the memory. And what has brought this sudden reversal of fortune? Impatience, Arrogance and Treachery!
With the sudden attack on the peaceful, sport-loving Rhun Easterlings they seek to wipe a proud nation off the map, all because the would not bend their knees at Elrond`s Altar. Well, what right thinking humanoid would submit to such a thing willingly? The brave Rhunites will guard their capital with their lives and do everything in their power to come through this episode stronger, bent on revenge. We shall see. Perhaps this show of force will convince other neutral neighbours to be Elven Thralls? Making enemies so easily will require the Sylvan Empire to make friends hastily. But, how fast?
ANGMAR:
The proud barsteward son of the line of Elendil; ARAGORN came knocking on the Gates of Carn-Dum with 500 strong heavy cavalry. With him rode Elladan and Encalion. More outlaws of the North. In more peaceful times these roaming thieves would be hunted like the wild dogs they are. Perhaps they will be soon. Anyway, at 2006 they were roundly defeated by a superior force of the Witch King under Rogrog. Carn-Dum stands all the more secure for the rout, and Encalion was taken in battle. So much for the Return of the King. There is a rumour doing the rounds of the bars in The Shire that Aragorn is actually the son of a bar-steward; BARLIMAN`s illigitimate offspring form illicit coupling with a wood-elf serving wench…the young boy was so ashamed of this that he spent his youth conjuring a new self-history…that could explain the broken sword that was taken in the battle, what kind of king would carry that?? At Framsburg, the woodmen threw enough troops together to make a run at Gundabad, only to be surprised by a large army under BOLG OF THE NORTH at their pitiful camp. It might be a close battle.
MIRKWOOD:
This area has become the second front the Freeps did not want: At Dol Guldor, GALADRIELS consort CELEBORN met his doom upon the knife of DIN OHTAR. Meanwhile his troops melted away from the Dragon Lords capital. At Caras Galadhon the armies of Bulrakur and Gaskbuz departed, letting the freeps chase after them. Bulrakur moved on to 2413, which was kindly revealed for him. The Sinda Town will be easily captured by his heavy cavalry! Hoorah, for SAURON!
RHUN:
The big news of the week, as mentioned at the top of my report, was the occupation of Free Rhun by Freep Axis Troops: Our Neutral Neighbour has sent an urgent plea for us to intervene in the situation, however it is unlikely that Diplomacy will prevail upon the Capitalist Machine once it is under way; HUZ reports to us that mixed dwarven and northmen forces have occupied his capital 4014, Northmen are at his Town of Mistrand 4318, and stumpies are also at 3605 and 3713. All for the sake of a couple of camping rights. That is how petty the Mighty Sylvan Empire is. In a further act of aggression a Northmen Army extended the War in Rhun to UVATHA`s village at 4425. For our part we condemn this illegal war, we will be avenged and although we doubt that Rhun can be saved we would like to offer all the moral support we can to the troubled nation.
KHAND, HARAD and UMBAR:
Worryingly quiet…
DUNLAND and ANGRENOST:
Deathly quiet…
FIRE ALLEY:
Better news for the Dark Servants here–
The first assault of the Freeps seems to have been weathered. At Minas Morgul [still a NG MT/Castle], the Freep Axis are down to the one army of ELFHELM. I say army, i really mean a couple of hundred horses with demoralised troops upon them. The Gondorian troops have melted away like snow in the spring for one reason or another. ADRAHILs SG troops were the latest to disband following a crushing defeat. ARGIRIONs North Gondor remnants dispersed when their commander was kidnapped. ELFHELM is now surrounded by vastly superior forces.
Down the mountain road in Osgiliath another battle is brewing; FARAGUND retreated to the NG Town/Castle and was met by the newly arriving SG navy under DUINHIR. Unfortunately for them the Ice King is also in attendance with a similar number of troops…another close battle is in prospect. And who knows, perhaps more captives will be taken??
Meanwhile, down the river, the second bridge was destroyed at Pelargir. How many troops were trapped on the western bank?
And that`s all for this week…
I shall return, Your Faithful Scribe,
FLATULENT REEK, Somewhere in Mordor.
And yes, I do know what a pain you can be… just ask the free in 225. 