Sure! You get your turn already and I don’t.
blech.
Beorn the unloved…
WE love BEORN, and all his minions!
We love them so much we want to liberate them from life and let them join our loverly undead menagerie!! Just ask MINOHTAR…
FLATULENT REEK of Barduath
AGGGGGHHHHHHHH AM I DEAD, AM I ALIVE? DO WE STILL OWN OUR SQUIRRLE RANCHES??? AAAGGGHHHH!!!
Beorn…
Damn Ren! What are you feeding those commanders of yours?
at 2-1 odds your guy is supposed to just roll over and die, not put up a fight like that. Good thing the DkLt lent me that nice staff.
Keep looking over your shoulder, you will never know if we are there.
NM-21
Ben, Killing you right off wouldn’t be sporty now would it? Besides, who would taunt us if you wern’t around. 
Now the fight begins.
Originally posted by Baja21
[b]Ben, Killing you right off wouldn’t be sporty now would it? Besides, who would taunt us if you wern’t around.Now the fight begins. [/b]
Come and get me.
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
Snaga @ the gates of Minas Morgul, looking less than pleased (but hey who cares!)
He’d drawn the short straw again. His bloody cursed luck that he was the one chosen for command of the latest FK expeditionary force…just when he finally had gotten a harem going…curses…
This time he’d come equipped with an extra large helmet (last time he was here those horse w@nkers (hw) had nearly chopped off his head and Snaga was fond of his head just where it sat now, thank you very much).
So with mounting trepidation (not to mention an attack of the runs) he’d led the latest sewer rats and dregs of Barad Ungol down the windy road to Minas Morgul.
He was full sure that he’d find another 10,000 or so tarks, elves, hw massed in neat rows (whats wrong with a little disorder I ask you!), so he was amazed that he couldn’t spot a single tark! (runs stopped pretty quick then). He was astonished that he found DS troops there (boys from Barad Dur & Morannon) and was in raptures when the boys from Urlurstu Nurn came marching in.
He’d even heard that there were large armies out of Durthang blocking the road up ahead (suited Snaga fine they’d get to do all the fighting and dying - yes suited him just fine & dandy!)
He stopped been surprised though when GOTHMOG showed up together with another batch of recruits. GOTHMOG was one evil, scary b@stard - the type you did not mess with (Snaga resolved there and then to stay WAY out of his way - it wasn’t unheard of GOTHMOG eating lower orcs not unheard of at all - this thought started Snaga’s bout of the runs all over again…)
Night was closing in the DS troops were terrified of GOTHMOG what the populace of Minas Morgul thought only they knew. Snaga was miserable he’d heard the screams of the latest scarifice that GOTHMOG was offering up, wasn’t pleasent not even close.
Still things got a little better when he heard the rumour sweeping the army camp - Uklurg was dead! That made him a lot happier the fat b@stard had finally bitten the big one. Maybe with an impressive showing here tomorrow he’d be able to claim Uklurg’s place, General of Fire King Armies - has a nice ring don’t you think!
Snaga outside the walls of Minas Morgul
This is your daily reminder that I’m still alive, and elves suck.
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
Hail Freeps!
What do you know, ive met one of Middle-Earths biggest celebrities! There i was, calmly going about my business in the Mountains of Mordor, trying to put the world to rights, preaching the gospel of SAURON to the unconverted when i was surprised by the light of my own camp-fire by CELGOR himself! "What an honour i stammered, ive heard so much about you...and ,er, do you mind not biting my neck just yet?" Its a little too soon to join the ranks of the undead. Maybe in few years, Saurons Will Be Done and all that. So he said hed think matters over and come see me again later…i guess we`ll find out what he has to say. So, this might be my last issue as Mortal Editor of The Dark Sun. We shall see. Remember, all stories of interest C/O Barduath.
ANGMAR:
Having routed the rabble of unwashed horse-opera buffs under the Illegitimate Bar-Boy ARAGORN [rumour has it hes called something else by the Hobbits after hearing a conversation between Glorfindel and Erstor in mid-squabble as The Prancing Pony in Bree. Apparently it was an argument over something that was supposed to happen at the last "party" in Elronds House where GloryHole bitchilly reminded Erstor that he " said i could be astride her". Allegedly] . There, that was worth waiting for. Not that THIS reporter is a homophobe, you understand. Some of my best friends are "of that persuasion". Lomelinde is a personal friend, in fact i set her up with her long-time partner Ferret the Woodgirl. Ive been to a couple of those masked balls that Kynoden used to throw in more peaceful times where the guestlist was made up of the great and good of gay feydom. As court reporter to Esgaroth and Mirkwood i have many stories i could tell. Imrahil, your secret is safe with me! Anway, as i was saying, having routed the rangers at Mt.Gram, the Witch King decided to flex his muscles in the cause of reclaiming his homeland and has sent an expeditionary force into Arthedain [as it used to be known in the good old days] to see what it can see/take/burn.
Mt Gundabad remains an unsullied stronghold of Murazor despite the near presence of the grotty wood creatures. Ick. Last week a couple of armies under GRIMBEORN and BRAEGA stood face to face with BOLG. After much staring and judging of relative strength Bolg of the North decided to depart with nary a shot fired in anger between the sides. Grimbeorn did try a cheeky theft attempt and was promptly slapped down and told not to be so stupid! BOLG moved south and met the aforementioned GLORFINDEL at 2406 with “a large army”. Is it big enough, GloryHole? Those woodmen armies are probably still wondering what happened at 2405. And why?
MIRKWOOD:
Kind of the same area, with less clean mountain air, more grubby trees and inhabitants. Not to mention indigenous spider things and poor “worried” beasts of the forest. Dont let BEORN near the ale, hes a monster when hes not getting any... Anyway, this was a fun fortnight for the Dark Servants in the ever murky wood: at 2709 BHERAMEL moved down from his mountain home and met a similar army of LEGOLAS. Good to know commanders by their first names, dont you think? Gives you options. Further south in Lorien, BULRAKUR captured the Sinda town at 2413. Hes thinking of opening a retreat for weary Servants. All at a reasonable rate, of course. More franchises coming to a pop.centre near you! BULRAKUR moved North to 2510. Meanwhile, back at 2514, MINOHTAR was put to the sword by Cloudy Assassins, though LU GENIEL of the Sinda escaped the same fate. This allowed the Sinda army comm to lead an army into 2715, where it is met by a superior Dragon Lord force at the new City/Keep. Last week FINARFIN, another elven sneak-thief thought he might slip in under the radar of DIN OHTAR and, er, didnt. He was chibbed to death, and thanks for the artifacts by the way! Which ones do you have left out there?
RHUN:
Yes, stuff happens out there, sometimes. But not much this turn. Did the Northmen and Dwarves miscommunicate? The Northmen stood idle whilst the dwarves under GLOIN destroyed the small defenceless Rhun standing army then threw itself at the walls of RIAVOD resulting in their commanders death. GROIN captured 3713 and marched to 4014. Riavod remains the Rhun capital! SWITHWULF tried to threaten 4318 and failed, perhaps he was expecting a lower loyalty there? Either way it smacks of lack of Freep co-ordination. Oh, the Dwarves did take 3605! And the Northmen captured the LR village at 4425.
FIRE ALLEY, MORDOR:
Things are turning DS way here too now. Despite the beach landings at Osgiliath, the Freeps have to admit that their advance has been slowed if not completely neutralised. The last remaining Freep Army at “their” MT of Minas Morgul was wiped out. ELFHELM`s troops fought bravely, but he squealed like a piggy at the end. The Dark Servants now own Minas Morgul in all but name.
At Osgiliath both Gondorian navies have deposited sizeable armies, but with the presence of the ULZOG of the IK any chance of a breakout remains unlikely and many, many troops are waiting for them at Morgul. Better send the boats back boys…ANBORN and FARAGUND remain in the vanguard for North Gondor, where more honoured commanders are somewhat conspicuous by their absence…and that is pretty much all i can tell you…
NEUTRALS:
Both the Corsairs and Khand seem to be very wealthy, if the POP LIMIT being reached has anything to do with the number of camps we can see they have planted. Rhun remains in the game and somewhat friendlier to us for some reason…what could have driven him into our arms? The White Wizard is inscrutable. The Dunlendings friendly, if disappointed not to be involved in the overthrow of Rhun. And that`s all i want to tell you about them…
In case i dont survive my next meeting with my vampire friend, ill always be with you in spirit! Keep SAURON`s faith and tell all you know to the DARK SUN!
Your Friend,
FLATULENT REEK of Barduath.
Sorta quiet over on the Freep side, just realised you shot yourselves in the foot on more than one occasion?
FLATULENT REEK
I’m still alive. Keep trying. Time to drop some bridges.
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
AND…Sibroc of Dunland was pinched trying to steal stuff at Mt.Gundabad, the WK Capital. Kinda tipped your hand there a little bit Dunlendings, huh? Tsk Tsk, i guess it`s time to withdraw the ambassadors and board up the embassy…
FLATULENT REEK [still alive!]
Poor choice, Brenden.
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
a big thanks to the freeps for my nice shiney new HIDDEN MT in Mordor.
Much appreciated guys, now i if can just steal a certain little arty all will be well!
Urz
Hide me! Hide me!
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
Oh, this is genius…wait a moment if Minas Morgul is hidden…
[sound of taxed brain crunching]
…that means IMLADRIS is not hidden. Oooh, tempting…
FLATULENT REEK [mortal cloudy]
Snaga - at the gates of Osgiliath…
…and NOT a happy camper. He had gotten quite fond of military life where he fought no-one and even fonder when no was trying to kill him. He loved been treated like a hero (the girls in Minas Morgul had welcomed him with more than just opened arms a lot more!) he didn’t mind too much the occassional army training. Why couldn’t things continue on like that? Well anyone?
He knew they were in for trouble when he saw the corspes of the ladz from Durthang piled high. Now he knew just how much trouble that was.
Sheltering under the Castle walls was rank upon rank of Tarks & Horse W@ankers. Sure there were troops from Nurn and another batch of recruits fresh out of Durthang but he got the feeling that it wasn’t going to be enough…sigh…
Where was that big mean b@stard GOTHMOG when you really needed him? I mean if he can stroll up to the gates of Minas Morgul and have the place surrender to him without so much as an arrow fired in anger, surely he could flick his fingers and make this shower disappear, but oh no he was back in Minas Morgul having it on with girls leaving the real heros [Snaga had an inflated sense of his own worth] out here in muck with that crowd of savages and judging by the banners there were alot of commanders out there, where were those sneaks from Kal Nargil when you really needed them?..sigh…
Still he saw something he never thought he would see, a Major Town disappearing, poof! gone! He wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t seen it!
No word yet on who was going to replace Uklurg as commander in chief a good showing here (don’t get killed) could make all the difference
Snaga staring at the massed ranks of the free
Freepies? no-one talking anymore haven’t gone all shy on us have you?
Beorn feeling a little pressured are we? Commanders dying on you Dog Lord HC just north of your capital things can’t get much better can they…2715 a CITY thats got to cause you problems
Aragorn what was that about the artifacts…too many other things to do like charge through the pass…maybe you should have focused on the artifacts after all!
NM what gives at 4014, didn’t bring the right key? door stuck? not enough men / stumpies?
So guys 8 turns gone how do you assess things now? Care to make any predictions?
Ren, still looking for his artifacts
I’M STILL ALIVE! COME AND GET ME!
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
Howdy Comrades,
Well, as you can see, i`m very much alive. What a charming fellow that CELGOR bloke is…almost as nice as TURUKULON…but that is another story nudge nudge, wink wink. I have been keeping my ear to the grindstone as usual and this is what i found out this fortnight:
ANGMAR:
Would you believe it? The smelly rabble are back! No doubt [ahem] “prompted” by Elrond`s offspring the Vagabond Rangers have left Bree for another visit to Mt.Gram and will enjoy the hospitality of ARAPHOR. The tramp-who-would-be-King, ARAGROAN, has turned up with his filthy band of outlaws and renegade elfies. Unfortunately, he just missed ROGROG who had an appointment in the Noldo village at 1512. TURUKULON remains in residence for any unfortunate freeps who might stumble up his lair! At 2405, BRAEGA felt the pointy end of a DS knife and his army dissipated. GRIMBEORN, however, was VERY fortunate to escape the same fate last turn. This week he faces an army under GOTHROG at the same place. At 2406, BOLG OF THE NORTH faced off against a Noldo army under GLORFINDEL, and wiped them out comfortably. Meanwhile, back at HQ, 2305, the cheeky Dunnish Agent SIBROC tried to make a name for himself through thievery only to be captured by the bold DREADED LURGY. It seems as good a declaration of an allegiance change as a hand-delivered letter. Therefore, let there be War in Dunland. The Rhun Easterlings will have their blood!
MIRKWOOD:
The DS continued to take the War to the Freeps here. At 2709, LEGOLAS was rudely interupted whilst admiring his new hair-do in his imported mirror and made to defend the Silvan village there. Fortunately he was able to see off the trolls of BHERAMEL…however he is rumoured to be in a foul mood after chipping his nail polish in the battle. Carrock was revealed to be a steaming pile of bear droppings fouling the proud ANDUIN. Who would want to live there? BULRAKUR continues his quest to find his lost love FERRET and moved into MIRKWOOD at 2610 after taking 2510 from the inbreds. He was met there by a Noldo army under AEGNOR. These fey elves are everywhere! Further south in the proud City of Dol Guldor a freep party is about to ensue; with Woodmen, Sinda and Rohirrim all in attendance. What consolation, however, will a victory over a dragon lord army be, if none of the four commanders survive to return home?
RHUN:
The Rhun Easterlings have sworn their allegiance to SAURON! Although this was forced upon them due to the aggression and poor diplomatic skills of the Northmen and Dwarves, the Rhun Nation is proud to have a seat at the table of the Black Council! HUZ has stated his long term goal is to conquer all of RHOVANION [and DUNLAND!] and be granted the honour of becoming the 10th NAZGUL upon his demise. We hope that is not for a very long time! Meanwhile the Stumplegs and the Money-lenders continue to fumble the ball at RIAVOD, where neither nation has the gumption to take the place. Some credit can be given to SWITHWULF, however, as he HAS captured MISTRAND for the Northmen Corporation.
FIRE ALLEY:
The Osgiliath Bridge stands once more! Cobbled together with driftwood and goat phlegm, it is not expected to pose much of a challenge to the expert DS agents enroute to reduce it once more to the bad investment it is. Lets give the Freeps some credit, however, unabashed at the pigs ear of an offensive so far, they are sticking to their guns and have sent a new wave of some 5000 troops over the rickety “bridge” and via their so-called navies. They will be met by more than 3000 DS troops there this week. And perhaps a few surprises too…which brings me to Minas Morgul! Im sure the laughter emmanating from the pinacle of BARAD-DUR could be heard in BREE. Not only did GOTHMOG stroll up to gates and demand its allegiance, not only did the citizens of the “North Gondor” Major Town raise the banner of the Dark Lts and throw open the Gates to SAURON`s Field-Marshal, the stupid elves then went and magically hid the new DS stronghold for us…class! Meanwhile, IMLADRIS may be a city, but it is not protected by the Girdle of Melian!!!
NEUTRALS:
Dunland–going freep.
Rhun–now DS.
White Wizard–incommunicado [a small village near Lond Daer Enedh i believe]
Corsairs–?? taking down his harbors…why?
Khand–planting camp after camp…a worrisome financial powerhouse in the south…
That`s All Folks,
FLATULENT REEK, Bard of Barduath.
ps;
A little bit of tittle-tattle reaches our ears that Elrond, head of the Elven Conspiracy, Master of Imladris, has taken to wandering alone around the Misty Mountains taunting snoozy dragons and demanding that they “come oot fur a square go, ya bass!”. We`re not sure what this means. However, my source in his court also tells me that upon meeting ARAGORN the UNLIKELY, he has taken to wearing the miasmal garb of the men of the north. He is also rumoured to have “put on a few pounds” such that his kin call him “EL-ROUND” or “EL-ROTUND” behind his back. Even the simpering GALDOR has been heard to wail about the downturn in his masters appearance, and that he may have to move to GALADBRYND to check out the “talent” there…
F-R