Hey, old beardy-bloke! Are your marbles going? Did you get a nasty surprise when you woke up this morning and the Rohirrim were grazing their horses in your lawn and blind drunk in your wine cellar? I guess youll have to hit the road with the rest of the nazgul scum. theyre so poor they cant afford bodies! One tip; if you want to retain the remainder of your braincells DONt for ERUs sake drink RHUIN COLA, itll decompose your DNA! I heard a rumour [courtesy of the KHANDY-COLA COMPANY] that if you leave a mansteak in a can of RHUN COLA overnight, by morning it will have disolved. Northmen clean their yak`s with Rhun Cola. JUST SAY NO!
LEGOLAS, son of some king, fervent anti-capitalist in the bowels of the great evil elven conspiracy.
From: Legal Division, Esgaroth
To: Board of Directors, Shrel Kain
As you are aware, there is a recent grass roots campaign to demean the name of Rhun Cola ™. Recent inquiries into the ingredients and health benefits of our product have caused several embarrassing questions.
While these grass roots organizations have no proof that we know of in regards to the unfortunate “Orc generating effects”, it is our consesus that we take the following actions.
Eliminate the grass roots campaign through mis-information
Acquire Khandy-Cola to further our monopoly
Begin counter advertising to make the opposition look foolish
We hope the board will accept our consensus and act accordingly.
There has been much anguish amongst many new and expectant Elven mothers in the Mirkwood / Lorien area of late due. This has been due to the number of babies being born with ROUND EARS.
At first this had been believed to be the result of some foul and dark magic emanating from Dol Guldur and its vile inhabitants.
Further investigation has shown this not to be the case as all those infected had been found to have one thing in common… YES you’ve guessed correct they had all drank RHUN COLA. :eek:
A major class action lawsuit is pending.
Trust not the Northmen Superconglomerate LLC, they may pose a greater threat to us all than all Mordor combined. :mad:
yours
Amroth
Lead Council with the Caras Galadhon Legal Eagles
Would 'dem round-eared babies happen to be a bit on the hairy side? Do they perhaps smell of elderberries? Ya see, Some of your elven girls of low-repute have been making . . . er . . . “pilgramages” . . . into our wood shacks as of late! Waittaminnute . . .::wasn’t supposed to talk about our Elven prostitution ring . . .:::: Er . . Yes, it’s gotta be the cola! Why, some of me boys drank it and they gots more dingleberries all over 'em than I e’re seen! Forget I said anything about “girlies” and such! There’s nothing to see here in the woods! Just a bunch of boring shacks! Honest! Those rumors of brothels and casinos all over mirkwood are just that . . . rumors! Now go home!
