We the Dark Servants have developed a business plan for the abdication of power by the so-called Free Peoples and transfer of dominion over Middle Earth to mighty Sauron, his lord Nazgul and minions. The business plan has been through exhaustive review and is beginning phase I implementation now. Of course no business plan can ever be complete, and it will likely be necessary to update the document as our plan progresses and victories unfold before us. Nevertheless, we do appreciate the Free People’s plight and will be most willing to accept early surrender by any Free nation with the wisdom and foresight to early-on accept the inevitability of defeat. Mighty Sauron will look upon the leaders of any surrendering Free nation with favor and shall grant an ambassadorship (great benefits & relocation paid) as recognition.
With corporate governance and transparancy so much on the public’s mind these days, we are pleased to assure you that our board is composed almost entirely of those that were formerly living. Additionally, we want to assure the public that although nine board members might be viewed as insiders by some, that we have brought in 3 outside board members to ensure that actions that might be conflicts of interest are well understood, agreed to quickly, and acted upon immediately! Finally, we are pleased to report to the VCs who so wisely invested in our business plan that we are on schedule, on plan, and under budget!
Reported by Hoarmurath, CFO & VP IR, Dark Servants
Financials audited by Mordor Partners, LLC
Full report available for public review at our offices, Mt. Doom (closed tuesday afternoons - for golf)