the
Elven Conspiracy led by the Gang of Three; Elrond, Galadriel &
Thranduil!
Not gang of three, more like a frisky elven threesome...
I will be glad to publish reports from any correspondents
who send their news to me directly.
Nah, we'll send troops.
The big news this week comes from the City of Blood, the doomed port
of Osgiliath. Shagrat of Barad Ungol last week [out of a spirit of
generosity and humanity] urged the good people of that once fair city
to join the just cause of Our Leader in his long stated struggle to
reunite all the lands of Middle Earth under his banner. He was met
with apathy and silence from within the walls, so this week he
remains there having been joined by armies under LUGRONK, ULZOG &
SKARGNAHK in an effort to free the citizens from the yoke of
capitalism! However the Conspirators would not let their possession
go so easily; SEVEN freep armies turned up at Osgiliath on t2!
Several listed as HUGE to our merely large ones. But you know what
they say, size isn`t everything!!! It`s hard to guess how far the rag-
tag mercenary house of Denethor the Bar-Steward plan to go, perhaps
they fancy taking on Minas Morgul or Barad Perras, or even Durthang.
We don`t think they have the numbers and we KNOW they have no idea
what we have in store if they blunder out of their safe seaside town
of Osgiliath. Let`s see, huh?
Ahhhh, but when you are dealing with orcs size IS everything... Besides, Denethor mixes a mean
martini.
Another hotly contested pop.centre is always 3017, and it was no
different on t1 this time; ERKENBRAND of Rohan galloped his "well-
loved" cavalry into Buth Ovaisa and was met by Tonn Varthkur`s
superior equine force. A slaughter was the result, and poor ERKY
didn`t even get to walk home to Edoras, he was tracked by one of our
better operatives and relieved of his fat, ugly head. It now adorns
the battlements to the town he tried to take as the first warning to
all of the CONSPIRACY`s wretches who would dare challenge the divine
right of Our Leader to rule!
Alas poor Erkenbrand, we hardly knew ye, sniff.
At Dol Guldor too the freeps mounted a challenge with Woodmen and
Sinda forces arriving there to do battle and being destroyed for
their trouble. Another paltry bunch face a superior Dragon Lord army
this week. At nearby 2816 a Silvan army under CAMTHALION was
despatched by MORNADAK`s cavalry for the Long Rider`s nation. This
area promises to be hotly contended!
Now I provided you a bit of fun at 2816 and you return the favor by assualting my village at 2915?
That is hardly fair! The LR will be the first up against the wall!
To the neutral nations we say join us, mail us at the free forum or
list, send emmisaries direct to Barad-Dur!
Ahhh, stay away from Barad-dur, it isn't a very friendly place. Now in our halls in Mirkwood we
elves have some pretty tasty wine and cool parties with scantily clad, frisky elven gals.
It promises to be an exciting War. Our Leader, SAURON has promised
to do all he can to move his drinks trolley 1 league closer to Minas
Tirith by the end of this week, his generals too feel somewhat
compelled to do the same. We hope it comes to pass and that all the
dreams set forth in the great Holy Book ; "My Struggle", penned by
SAURON in his diminishment following the Last Alliance of Elves and
Men. We hope that those visions will come to pass;
There will be a Middle-Earth free of the capitalist gold-hungry
Elves, we shall transport them safely to their new homelands far in
the west. There will be Strength through beauty. The righteous people
will get all the Living Space they need outwith Mordor and the lesser
nations will be happy to serve the ONE RING, THE LIDLESS EYE. Long
Live the 3000 Year Empire! Hail Sauron, Lord of the Rings!
What we don't need are crypto-marxist dark servants.
Thranduil, Lord of Greenwood
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