Report from the front: Amon Sul

Nazgul: “Lord Sauron, this is one of your Nazgul reporting from the front lines. Five us of encountered the Ring Bearer at Amon Sul.”

Sauron: “Excellent work, you shall be rewarded. Bring me the Ring at once!”

Nazgul: “Well sir, we don’t exactly have the ring”

Sauron: “Ahhh. The Ringbearer must have been accompanied by and protected by an Elflord, or perhaps even Gandalf or Elrond ?”

Nazgul: “Uh, no sir, no elves nor wizards…”

Sauron: “I don’t understand. Was it Tom Bombadil?”

Nazgul: “Well sir, the Ringbearer is a halfling, as you told us. He had, uh, three other halfings with him, and”

Sauron: “WHAT??? Four halflings and FIVE of you? What are you telling me? FOUR HALFLINGS AND FIVE OF YOU???”

Nazgul: “Well sir, there was also this man who came out with a sword and a torch…”

Sauron: “I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe. Five of you and four HALFLINGS and ONE MAN!!!?? Why didn’t two of you spar with him and the other three take the Ring??”

Nazgul: “Well, sir, he did have a torch. You know how we feel about fire”

Sauron: “God you guys are PATHETIC! Really pathetic. Did the halflings at least have torches too?”

Nazgul: “No sir. They had little knives. But very sharp-looking.”

Sauron: “I WANT MY RING!!!”

Nazgul: “Sir, we did manage to stab the Ringbearer with a Morgul blade sir, so he should succumb to that fairly soon.”

Sauron: "You stabbed him? If you stabbed him, why didn’t you just kill him?

Nazgul: “Well sir, we didn’t think of that, I guess.”

Sauron: “Why, oh why, couldn’t I have given those nine rings to mortal men who had at least some BRAINS!! I had the chance to give one to a mad scientist, but Murazor said, ‘no me, give it to me’ and I stupidly went along. And there was this Black Numenorean fellow, really had it on the ball, but Adunaphel promised great service. And look where it’s got me. Five of you against one man and FOUR HALFLINGS!! I mean, one of my orcs can kill a halfling. And you are Nazgul, do you understand, NAZGUL! You are undead and have great powers!”

Nazgul: “Yessir, we’re Nazgul”

Sauron: “Sigh. I just can’t believe. I won’t believe it.”

Nazgul: “They’re heading for Imladris sir. We’re gathering all nine of us. We’re sure to take him before he crossed the river.”

Sauron: “Yes, clearly against four halflings you’d better have all nine of you. Let’s just hope a hedgehog doesn’t join them before you encounter them.”

Nazgul: “Er, yes sir. MIghty nasty beasts, hedgehoges”

Jeremy

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That’s some funny stuff right there!