I’m disappointed in you Clint, only trying for four at a time
Yes that’s creating …
Clint (player)
Dear Diary:
Ugh.
I just got over an 8 day bender. We had celebrated Waulfa’s guarding of the great grass river between Lorien and Mirkwood and I won (or is that lost) the “Mug Tipping” contest, the “Flagon Draining” contest and the “Knock a hole in the Keg and drink it dry as the ash heaps of Mordor” contest.
I rolled over and discovered a wild boar was nesting by me. This brought back some potentially disturbing dreams I had, so I got up and staggered out for some honey-warmed mead and a big plate of Bork’s famous ‘Balrog Blasters’. I don’t know what he puts in those spicy sausages, but they sure knock the hangover right out of a man.
I noticed that cute as a racoon’s tail lass Ferret was already slopping up some blasters with her mead. I headed over to sit with her and show her my pelts, when that son of a nazgul Beneoracer shoved his ugly mug between us and sat down next to her! His jostling tipped my plate all over my nice new bear-hide robe!
Well, the cobwebs in my head were still as thick as Shelob’s Lair when the messages came in:
There was a army of the dragon lord in my tree-barkin’ capital! Cripes! Well, Beoraborn was there, he could handle it…
Then a squirrel came by and promptly informed me that Bulrakur of the Dog Lord had just blasted his way north! Wellll… that’s not so bad… Huh? He has friends? Oh… So there it was Gaskbuz of the Dragon Lord with a Huge Army (what did he do - empty Dol Goldur?) and Hargrog with his few remaining pony boys…
Well, I looked around, who could I send… who could I send… Well, of course! My best -commander- of course! I immeadiately gave Beoraborn some lads, kicked him in the butt and sent him off to di…er… stop the evil horde~ Then I comforted Ferret over what was surely to be a loss to us all.
Four armies? That’s all you’ve got??? Freakin’ DS!
Beorn, with the ugly hangover…
Good Day, Fellow Minions!
As i travel Our Lords Middle-Earth i am forever picking up the tales of woe from the common-people, tired of the Evil Elven Conspiracy and its effect on their daily lives. The ordinary Joe, or Brand or Gurgluk is fed-up with the capitalist system that ELROND and his cronies foists upon us all. "Why cant we all be equal?" im often asked…and i reply; “WE CAN”–“JOIN WITH SAURON” and reject individual, materialistic ways of the Elves. Under SAURONs RULE we are all equal. Well, thats the party line, on with the news…
The North West–Remains quiet, for now, but surely war will even come to the land of gamboling hobbits and scurvy, flea-ridden ranger dogs? Thanks to the Tarks the area has regained its former Landlord; MURAZOR has returned to ANGMAR to bring his ancestral home back to prominence. In truth, it has been a labour of love for him for 100s of years, one which required only a slight push…more of that later. Mt`s GRAM and GUNDABAD remain his unnassailable strongholds in the North, and are a beacon to all “right-thinking” demi-humans who want to rally to the banner of SAURON. On his return MURAZOR has declared a Holy-War on the Infidel Elves and Men in the North and vows to “purge” all non-believers in the omniscience of SAURON!
Mirkwood–has seen a flurry of activity. The effeminate elves of Imladris have threatened the good folk of Goblin-Gate with a fashion and evian embargo, and thus the populace succumbed to their capitalist ways. At 2613 HARGROG wiped out a small force of woodmen and with allies advanced towards the poor Woodmen capital. Can the skinchangers afford to defend themselves from the onslaught? 2613 was burnt. 2711 sees a Dragon Lord army under BHERAMEL facing the Woodmen of BEORABORN. It may be a close battle. At 2612, the blocking force of BENEORACER stands less chance against armies under the victorious HARGROG, GASKBUZ and BULRAKUR! Meanwhile, the Sinda Elves landed at 2715 to find it all but empty, yet without much to do with their large army. It cannot take the capital, and CELEBORN must face the defenders of the Dragon Lord under DURAN…
Rhun–In a close battle BARD I defeated the cavalry of MORNADAK, but took severe losses himself at 4218.
Fire Alley–A battle that seemed closer [on paper] was easily won by the freeps at Minas Morgul. The city fell to North Gondor. The failure of key spells probably helped. Is this the foothold the freeps are intent upon? There still remains around 4000 FP troops at the new NG MT/Castle, facing a much smaller DS force. However, OPERATION RETRIBUTION is about to begin! The Freeps will pay for their insolence, starting this turn. Although the bridge was dropped at 2924-3024, the freeps chose to fortify Osgiliath up to a Castle. This will make a nice domicile for REN in the future. There is no panic in Mordor about these events, however; we have seen far too many battles, many campaigns and believe we will triumph in the end. Plans are in place, the build-up will be slow, allies will be gained, and other fronts will make the Freeps pay for their folly!
Artifacts–the race is ,as ever, close; The DS Gained The Ring of Wind, The Ring of Curufin and Tinculin this turn. The Cloak of Duvorn was stolen though, by a pesky elf. The Ring of Impersonation remains at large. Many other artifacts are being sought by the minions of Sauron. We are in this War for the Long Hall. Short term victories are for the short-sighted. Let`s see how things look NEXT winter!!!
I remain your popular scribe,
FLATULENT REEK, Ambassador of Ji Indur.
All stories c/o Barduath please. Neutral Emmies Welcome!
Ben,
Where are the Freeps putting their camp again? I want to make sure Ji goes to the right party…
Flatulent Reek, Ambassador and Social Secretary.
Beorn,
How does one wash out the smell of wild animals from ones throne room? Does a hose do the job, or have you diverted the Anduin through Carrock to cleanse it? Hey, that way you could add fish to your menagerie…
The Voice, of Adunaphel.
"I look forward to the DS counterstroke. What’s in store?!?
-Russ, Impatiently on the Sidelines"
RETRIBUTION!!! Sudden and Violent, oh yes!
JI INDUR
Originally posted by murmur
[b]Beorn,How does one wash out the smell of wild animals from ones throne room? Does a hose do the job, or have you diverted the Anduin through Carrock to cleanse it? Hey, that way you could add fish to your menagerie…
The Voice, of Adunaphel. [/b]
Dear Adunaphel:
It is clear from your question you know you stink. Hee hee hee!
As they say in the woods, he who smelt it is standing in bear poo…
Love and Kisses,
Beorn 
FP have designated 3814.
DS have remained the same at 3320.
Objective - Build a city from a brand new camp. The first team to do so wins my loyalty the following turn.
Here are the rules:
- The city must be on my map. I need to see progress, and it’s not allowed to be hidden.
- The starting camp location must be south of the major river running from Erebor and west of the Rhun Sea.
- Both teams must announce where they intend to begin their project.
- Camps may either be created by emmissaries or commanders.
- The camps may be created by ANY character.
- The population center is OFF LIMITS to any combat. Neither team is allowed to capture or destroy the other team’s population center. Anything else is fair game.
- Each team only gets ONE population center to work with. Transfers between teammate nations are allowed.
Important Rule
8. Neutrals are allowed to participate, but their population center is fair game for aligned sides to ALL ACTIONS and COMBAT so long as their icon remains neutral. Consequently if a neutral builds a city and flips their icon before either side can complete their city, I will flip mine as well the following turn to the same side. If a neutral flips his icon to an aligned side BEFORE getting the population center to city status then the combat clause in rule 6 against said team is null and void. For example, the WW decides to participate, gets his pop center to a town, and flip his icon to FP. Both the WW and the FP objective poplation center are now allowed to be involved in combat whereas the DS objective population center is still protected.
-
If at anytime the objective population center falls into enemy hands, then a new objective population center is allowed to be started. The original objective population center is not protected under rule 6. If the original objective population center is retaken after a new objective population center has been created then the team must designate which population center will be counted towards the race.
-
Race starts on turn 5 and goes until there is a winner. In the event of a tie, the city with the highest loyalty wins the tie-breaker.
If both teams decide to participate, I expect to hear which hex is designated by turn 5 and ideally camps already placed there. Good luck to both sides. If you have any questions over something I haven’t addressed, please ask.
ONE MORE RULE
To ensure that each team gets a FAIR START the designated hexes shall remain clear of opposing army icons since you can’t camp a hex that is occupied by the opposition.
Hmmmm… Turn 5 results are out and NEITHER side managed to place a camp at their designated hexes. Wow.
And buyouts are running quite nicely, two in a row now.
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
You see all those rules confused us…dunno what the freeps thought, but i thought i couldnt start til THIS turn...hmmm. maybe i will, maybe i wont. maybe i don`t want drawn into a war with the mighty dunlendings!
The Voice of Adunaphel
I thought rule 10 made it clear and the little bit following it. I guess not.
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
Okay who Infed my camp away? More importantly why?
Otherwise a good turn - nice army ready to pound now.
Ben are you saying that neither team has done anything… 
I’m tempted - give me a location near me please and I’ll see if I am up for it.
Clint (player)
Clint,
You’re welcome to join in, but remember you’re not protected by the neutrality rules so either team, or anyone for that matter, can mess with your camp. So long as it’s on my map and south of the major river, you’re fine.
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
I think the Rhun influenced it away and took it to Mordor, where the shadows lie…
Beorn the confused.
Beorn, your words do not bode well. I might decide to take offense to that…
- Ben
Rhun Easterlings
From the Diary of Beorn
Dear Diary. Today started out ot be a good day. I learned that Ferret really likes chest hair and hairy backs, so I have a shot, I figure. But then, I learn that despite my orders, that oaf Beneoracer managed to not only hold off the Combined Might of Mordor, but he freaking survived!!! WHY WON’T THIS POSER DIE??? Cripes he really put the fear of all gods into those Mordor Heads. They ran off to Lorien rather than face Beneo’s wrath again! Yikes! At least the capital is clear of enemies now…
Anyways, now Beneo, he’s a freaking hero! Sigh. All I hear now is Beneo this and Beneo that. Beneo Beneo Beneo. AGH!
THEN I get word of camps disappearing so I toss out the first thing that hits my mushroom and ale addled mind and WHAM~ Faster than you can say International Incident I have some sand-caked diplomat on camel back in my back yard shouting something about being offended!
So, I shouted back “If your leader wants to take offense from a drunk woodchopper not above murdering his own men to get a shot at the cute girl go right ahead!”
Memo to self. Make sure of who is in the area BEFORE saying you are willing to murder your own men to get the cute girl… Who Knew?
Sigh.
At least one of the locals is telling me he’s bringing us a hedge wizard to join our armies. He’s a great guy named Mitch Agun. You have to love a guy named Mitch Agun!
Til next time, Diary,
Beorn
Ben…you’re a freak!!!
I think it would have been much funnier if both sides tried to crush you…
Fletch
The Duns and I will crush him.
-Russ / Cors
Originally posted by RKFloyd
[b]The Duns and I will crush him.-Russ / Cors [/b]
Plans are already under way to deal with the Rhun menace.
In the name of freedom we shall liberate their peoples and natural resources from tyranny.
Wait wait wait…
If a neutral plants a camp, then builds a city before either the FP or DS, THEN flips to one side, the rhun empire will follow suit??? IS this the latest ruling from on high? How do the Rhunite people live from day to day? What is the foriegn policy? Oh well, better go suck up to some “normal” neutrals, just in case the Rhun Empire tunrs it`s gaze on mordor…
FLATULENT REEK, Ambassador for Ji Indur