Boil them first, then a dull stone will do the job.
Stewie
But you forget. Galadriel died a month ago. But I guess you still gotta play carver for Elrond and his stiff bunch.
Tuormo
Oh yeah, that’s right. Galadriel seems to be dying in every game I’m in. Can’t keep it all straight! 
How did she taste, er, I mean, did she die tastefully?
-Dragmaster Russ
Stewie,
Ask your South Gondor friend if he finds this as amusing as we do. In a village just outside his capital he not once, but twice, pours armies into this village out of reaction to small, non-threatening QA and Cors armies aka “bait”. In the meantime, he leaves his capital completely open and devoid of defense to the Grand Navy of the Corsairs who just arrived this turn. The village his capital armies sped so fast to defend is called “Foresight.” Is this irony?
Was wondering if you would help us capture Linhir while we have SG tied up in the West?
-Dragmaster Russ
Listen, Lads, to the Story of Knite-Chark . . .
Knite-Chark crept through the shadows of Dol Guldur. His prey was in site. She was just a petty emmissary. This would be no problem. Uncle Elrond would be so proud of him! No longer would Uncle Elrond and his other “special” uncles make fun of Knite-Chark and the Chark family. He was proud of his family. It wasn’t easily being a Chark. Did Charks not bleed if you pricked them? Seemed like Charks got pricked and prodded an awful lot when they stayed in Elrond’s palace . . . man he was glad to get out of there and get an assignment at last! His heart pounding, he crept closer to his prey’s tent. . . gods she was beautiful! The prey, that is, not the tent. Yes, I hate ambiguous pronouns too. Wait, where was I . . . … WHAM!!! Suddenly, Knite-Chark felt pain stabbing through his forehead! NOOOO! The old rake-in-the-yard trick! He had stepped on a rake and the handle had flown into his face! This booby-trap has been around since the stone age . . . well, the rake age. Did they make stone rakes? I don’t know. Anyways . . . The guards had heard the noise and he heard yelling even now. The embarrasment would kill him if he got out of Dol Guldur alive. He fled into the misty darkness with the sounds of Warg Hooves not far behind him . . . . “WHY MUST I BE A STUPID CHARK!!!” He cried into the night. “I hate you, dad, and I hate Uncle Elrond and all my other “special” uncles too!!!”
So ends the first bungled mission of Knite-Chark. A Tale of Woe If Ever There Was One.
Ji Indur and friends want to extend their sincerest appreciation for the hospitality that Ecthelion extended towards our small weary band of travellers. The gondorian stew was shall we say excellent.
Tuormo
You killed the last of my starting characters and my father but you let my wife live… What good is playing a FANTASY game with you guys if you don’t cooperate? Where do you want her next turn…?
Stewie
Russ,
You are not aptly named, not a dragon but a cat with nine lives. You do play a good game.
Dug
My recruitment is done, time to roll out. I’m on my way to burn something big…
- Ben
Dog Lord
Dug,
Meow!
Russ
ha ha ha!! Too funny!!!
-Russ
Whats the character ID again…this way I make sure I get it right for the next round of curse mania!!
Ohhh and whomever took Tinculin, please bring it back, we were just learning what a harp is…obviously the most fiendish torture device ever devised!! You ever hear an Orc play a harp…I almost wished myself out of undeath for a moment!
The Blind Guy
Sorry Optometry-Free: leave such pretty trinkets sitting still for long enough and the curious will come calling. You must have been trying to move it via Doggy Express…?
Stewie
You didn’t find any Ginsu Knives wrapped up with that stinkin’ harp did you?
-Draggy
My moving company does quite well, thank you.
- Ben
Dog Lord
Ben,
Get over it, we knew you were dead the turn you blew your economy. If you don’t count the Rhun Easterlings - then you have the distinction of being the first nation to die in this game.
Dug
All knowing Elf
PS the Woodmen claimed the kill.
Sigh
I bankrupted myself because I forgot one stupid order… You guys have no idea how much of a hurting I was ready to lay down. No one can claim me since I did myself in, so HA to the Woodmen.
- Ben
Bankrupt Dog Lord
Well the Woodmen claim to own all of Ireland too…
Dug
Leader of ELM
That’s fine, no one wants it anyways. Crazy furry people…
- Ben
Bankrupt Dog Lord
<<PS the Woodmen claimed the kill.>>
LOL!!! What an ego. What does he think he did exactly? Nice of you to try and cut Ben a break and share the blame for Dog Death but it won’t work. We still plan to bust his kneecaps should we find him in a dark alley. Dark Servants devour their dead you know . . .
Do appreciate Ben’s good sportsmanship by continuing to post on the board for some smoke and mirrors. It’s the least he could do. Literally. 
Can I get a refund for my dang Ginsu knife??
-Dragmaster Russ