Kicked? Hey someone needed to go there and all the cool pop centers were already claimed…the troll powered gate at Morannon and the lava falls of Barad Dur were my first choices…but still, its nice to be in the woods…lots of stuff to burn and when we’re bored, we can always go a huntin’ for black squirels.
You smell funny, so that’s why we stuck you in the woods with the elves and hairy-backed wonders. We’d have sent you to Angmar but Murazor said that he likes his own stench and doesn’t need to be fouled up any more. Bathe, damn it…
- Ben
Dog/LR
This from a guy who spends all his time with wet dogs and dry horses…and I stink!!!
Dragons have a very pleasant odor I tell you…all burnt meat, smells like barbeque!
Wargs emit a very pleasant odor believe it or not. Except after they eat of course. You’d be amazed at what a human or elf smells like the second time through…
- Ben
Dog Lord/Long Rider
Welcome And What Is Wrong With You
How to help the free people play book rule number one Buy out somthing the free people have tons of. ( timber ) Ok i see your thought process make war machines and hit the NG capitol. You have to get thier first with out getting killed. 2nd you have to do it in a way the gondors don’t see it comming! OOPs should not be so blunt we are aware of the plan thierfore it will fail! Now as one of the nations with tons of timber we thank you but my sell timber is more than i care to count. Thank you but why help us and hurt yourself so much. All metals selling at one that cant be good. Dragon lord out of the game that had to suck, but you knew it was comming better luck next time. Try to help the Dragon Lord next time and that Nation would be around longer. This of course means you actually have to fight your way past 3017 and actually get to the DL capitol. With My playing Riders of Rohan Good Luck we have more than you can handle brace for impact the gate of Mordor will belong to Rohan soon. Why be so up front with my plan ( simple ) you see it comming three big armies at 3017 and another just short of the gate. More on they way you cant stop all my armies unless you have 7 killer agents im getting through. Im going to take your Dog Lord out of the game and you cannot stop it. Your problem is what army has the 25 war machines You have a 1 in 6 chance of getting the right army. Your problem hurt gondor stop me your screwed and you have lost this game you just dont know it yet!
Your Pall Theoden
Apparently spelling, punctuation, and grammar elude you as well. Come and get me, oh wait, I’m coming to get you first.
- Ben
Dog Lord/Long Rider
Do not get me wrong. Our Riders player is playing a good game.
But you only have to deal with his grammer every once in a while. Imagine getting 10 to 12 e-mails a week like this.
Sinda
Shrug Good by whose standards? We’re fighting all along the road where we’re supposed to be fighting, and neither side has made any inroads anywhere, yet. Yeah, you took two of my camps, big deal, but that hasn’t hurt me as much as you think it has. If anything my own mistakes and not his play have been more effective for you. When we trade PDF’s after the game is over you’ll see what I mean.
- Ben
Dog/LR
Lord Thedeon (or should that be lard ass?)
Remember me? I played the QA & WK in game 231. Seem to recall you mouthing off endlessly in that game as well. Mostly inane drivel with the odd totally incomprehendable comment tossed in for good measure. My favourite post of yours had to be when you informed us that even Harlequin believed our position to be unwinnable…how wrong could you be??? Is the SG player from that game in this game? Brings a smile to my face every time I recall how we killed 18 SG characters in 3 turns. This time we’ll aim for the full monty all 21 now that would be something!
You’ve learnt nothing from 231. You mouthed off in that game and lost very badly in the end. You are mouthing in this game and your position is not so nearly as good as you would believe it to be. You’ve achieved nothing of note, all pretty standard stuff really nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that would suggest you can win this game.
Lard ass two nuggets of wisdom for you
a) lay off the pies
b) give your mouth/ass a rest until you’ve done something to boast about
Urdrath of Khand…your friendly travel agent
Ok your a smart one what have you done in the game so far ? Nothing!! You have not even made it as far as the northmen capitol ? The riders of Rohan have Burned two villages and " Nine " camps. That is not a Small thing. We have been at the gates of Mordor the whole game. Would you like me to head back to the Capitol and hide thier. You would expect me to believe those camps were nothing ,and the villages where throw away items. Ok sure we believe you. When I burn the dog lord out then will you say good job and wow we could not stop you even though we knew in advance good play Mr Theoden. How would you have me play Rohan hide and not fight or give you my best. We have yet to see anything from your side that would be considered good play! I dont say this to be mean but to say please bring your " a " game. If the Greenbay Packers play the Vikings this sunday but dont start Farve that is what im talking about. Next game we should switch sides and see how things go a reverse grudge game that would be good!
Your pal the pie eater and not an English Professer
Hooked on Phonics can work for you…
- Ben
Dog Lord/Long Rider
Your little jabs are cute but save it for someone who cares. As for the rant about game 231 keep everything in the right order. Game 231 was our team captains seckond game one other team member his 2nd game he was the ng player in that game. Now as for me it was my first game and I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the mistakes I made in that game. Those mistakes include both military and nation building along with what char to name and how many. Please note in game 231 I also played the WW and did burn One capitol if you dont recall. Now this is only my fourth game and yes I like to Blow my horn but verbal bashing is all we are permitted. Also make the game more interesting. Now as for our team mistakes we sent our best curse mage and glad to death ( what were we thinking ) we did not pay some nations any attention much to our doom. Some mistakes are sure to come from us but overall we will bring you a better team and less mistakes.
pie eater and arch enemy!
Ah, LARD THEODEN, back from his gristly grave, and ready to get a whacking again!!! Personally, id like to thank him for his decisive role in g231 [yes the game where we 9 nazgul demoralised 12 FP nations so much that they surrendered to us!]: he personally oversaw the demise of 2 nations: Rohan and White Wizard [after the previous player left in disgust] and handed us dominance in that part of the world. Of course, the Pie-Muncher wouldnt know this–after we gutted his nation, we had to drag King Theoden from under the remnants of hundreds of eaten cow-pies just so we could assassinate him! Great times, looking forward to reliving them! Tis a pity he couldnt get an education in the afterlife, but his communiques would lose all the charm and humour value we derive from them if he got him some readin`.
SANDAROONYA 
Your insults are very poor! Just tell the rest of your team what happened you took the rohan capitol with emissarys your burned my new capitol with 3500 hc from the Kahn good job your economy must have ben huge to float that amount of troops. You then attacked my third capitol with that same cav army then we ended the game. All along the Riders had troops and military and you never managed to put me out of the game! Funny how one poorly played nation can attract that much attention. You choose to hammer the Riders and ignore the Gondors? Was i really worthy of that much attention yes i think it had to be. The first game I played funny if i had not made so many mistakes things would have been different. We sent four of our good agents to my new capitol the dog lord city and they all died and you took all the agent arties another mistake we made in that poorly played game which we lasted 3 years!!! 48 turns or something like that. What I wonder is your grand thought process in this game hide inside mordor for 20 turns and then let the agents take over! Not this time boys ill be in mordor well before that! do your worst but i have more commanders than you have agents!
You none english proffesser and pie lover! Theo The Large
Lardy,
As we tried to point out before…MEPBM is a CHARACTER game. Go figure that out and see how it applies to what happened before/will happen again! Talking of attention to single nations, please welcome South Gondor, and so many of his resources to Harad…
SANDAROONYA
THE DARK SUN REDUX, Issue t10:
Good Day, Peons!
I welcome you from the sunny lands of my Lord Sangarunya,
with a review of the war so far.
ANGMAR:
Has been largely over-run by the smelly bog-loving Rangers
and insidious elfies. 2006 quickly fell to a joint operation
between the inbred infidels from Bree and Larach Duhnan.
Furthermore, a nicely co-ordinated effort has seen the
city of Mt.Gundabad cleared out in preparation for the
big push.
MIRKWOOD:
The ease with which the Freeps have claimed the great wood
from it`s rightful owners must even shock the dress-wearing
fops in Imladris, Galadbrynd and Caras Galadhon. In a very few turns
Sarn Goriwing was revealed and captured, eventually Goblin-Gate was
threatened and the suicidal attack of a Dunnish Army
under JEROIBHA led to the surprise bankruptcy of the
Dragon Lord nation! Could things be going any better for
the men of the west and their elven overlords?
RHUN:
Things have not gone so well for the Freeps out here; there
armies have been thwarted at all points and the frontline
pushed back as far as Dilgul to this point. The Free appear
to be outnumbered in this sphere.
MORDOR and THE PASS:
After and early capture of Barad Perras the bridge at Osgiliath
was soon destroyed and the recruiting army at 3123 assassinated
to oblivion. The armies of SAURON have subsequently taken
Osgiliath, destroyed recruiting armies 3026 and have
assassins keeping 3123 free of enemy commanders. Thuringwathost
too was quickly destroyed by the Free, though no armies have
ventrured onto Morannon, the Rohirrim have preferred to
stick to their cowardly [and in our opinion] faulty tactic
of camp-burning. However, several enemy armies have appeared on the
horizon to threaten the Dog Lord`s capital.
HARAD and KHAND:
With the Osgiliath Bridge down, Gondorian armies were forced south. For
ten turns Methir has rebuffed threatening armies of North
Gondorians, laughing in the faces of their puny commanders.
As a result other armies headed south along the road, apparently
surprised that the 3333 bridge was down they have headed into
the desert. We wont be hearing from them again then... On a more interesting [if bizarre] note;the combination of several Freep nations eventually saw to the neutralisation of the Corsair fleets. Though the resources were huge, it must have taken much longer than expected to finally achieve this result and some of the tactics were embarrassing. The Corsairs have still not lost a pop.centre despite the attentions of the fleets of South Gondor, North Gondor and the Sinda. Several armies of Gondor have also visited Methir to be scorned. The bizarrest thing of all has been the occupation of 2135, its improvement to a town, the building of a harbor AND this
turn, its hiding by magical means!!! Furthermore, South Gondor appears to be funnelling the bulk of its troops to this
outpost in the far south…bring em on we say! And we thought wed be out of the way down here…This turn will see battle
joined between armies of roughly equivalent size at the hidden
SG town.
ARTIFACTS:
The early race has seen a fairly even split in the major arties:
FP have Tinculin and the ROI. The DS got the ROW and ROC.
CHARACTERS:
FP have lost:Bard, Kynoden, Elrohir, Thranduil, Anborn, Faramir,
Tridon, Gimli, Groin, Malin,Jeroibha and Durbuhuk. With several
others “Missing-In-Action”.
DS have lost:Rogrog, Sanguinas, Pig Killer, Fuinur, Celedhring,
Tormog.
The FP appear to have the momentum, but this DS team have seen it
all before and come back from much worse!
BELIAL, Mouth of Sand.
My apologies for not keeping up with the (hopefully) humorous news releases. Real Life got in the way of my being able to do much more than get my turns in on time – and that only barely upon occassion.
I trust the greater attention to detail in such things as formatting and rules of the language were a welcome divergence from the otherwise standard fare here.
With any luck I shall be able to find time to attempt to restart the news articles with the coming turn – please don’t hesitate to inform me if you find them droll or otherwise unwanted. If they are, I will endeavor to find another way to participate in the banter.
I do want to take this opportunity to thank Team Fletch for taking us on in this game, for despite all the flak, surely this game is more enjoyable playing against anyone than against noone. 
Best wishes to you all, and I hope you’re enjoying a good New Year.
Actually its Team Lush, not Team Fletch…
Much like a band of drunken pirates we draw lots every game to see who get the misfortune of leading the latest raid…I’m now locked in me cabin with two brace of pistols waiting for the scurvy dogs to break down the door and attempt to put me off the ship on a nearby sand bar
Oops. So much for my “attention to detail”.
My thanks to Team Lush, then.
Fletch is head Lush… Better to be led than a drunk American rather than a sober European… Wars get started more effectively that way.
- Ben
Dog/LR